The Mystery Beyond the Trinity

(Tripura Rahasya)

 

 

INTRODUCTION

 

          Twenty years ago on one of my frequent trips to India I visited the ashram of the sage Ramana Maharshi. The ashram is situated at the foot of a famous Indian holy mountain, Arunachala, in Tamil Nadu a little over one hundred miles south of Madras, now Chennai, in an arid primitive landscape where summer temperatures regularly surpass one hundred degrees. In those days Ramana, who died in the Fifties and had been internationally famous during his lifetime, was largely forgotten (if the number of visitors to the ashram was any indication), although today it is a thriving pilgrimage center. The ashram was a small, quiet, unpretentious affair and a modest, cobwebbed, none-too-clean ten rupee room could be had for the asking at the office. In the bookstore I found a dusty copy of Tripura Rahasya, The Mystery Beyond the Trinity, a Sanskrit text of indeterminate origin, translated into English. The translator said that it had been one of Ramana’s favorites so I dutifully purchased it for a few rupees...the equivalent of about a dollar, I think.

        Because of an inordinate and inexplicable love of Vedic culture and a patient nature, I struggled through the text and was suitably impressed by the Yogic and Vedantic ideas and the charming Pauranic style.  The Pauranas, a brilliant invention of the rishis, India’s mystic seer-poets, managed to revive the Vedas, the foundation of Indian spiritual culture, just as they were about to be forgotten.

        The Pauranas are called Dharma Shastras, scriptures on Dharma, the Eternal Way. The Pauranas are “the Vedas in action” my guru said.  “Vedas in action” means that the cryptic Vedic mantras, which require considerable dedication and brain power to decipher even when unfolded by a sage, were turned into action-packed stories, delightful cartoons appealing to a wide range of minds. The Pauranas were the rishi’s ‘stealth’ technology because Upanishadic ideas about the nature of Reality were cleverly hidden behind the exciting, baroque and romantic facade of Pauranic myth. The confounding abundance of Gods that shock and bewilder India’s modern visitor are Pauranic deities. 

        I decided to rework Tripura Rahasya for several reasons. First, to make it more readable in English. The translation from Sanskrit was credible but inevitably suffered from lack of precision - as second-language works often do. Precision is important because Vedantic ideas are often subtle and technical. Although I don’t know Sanskrit grammar I know Vedanta reasonably well. Furthermore, my spiritual teacher was a Sanskrit scholar who conducted Vedanta classes in English, so I learned most of the important Vedantic Sanskrit by heart in the two years I sat at his feet. Vedanta is best in Sanskrit but in the last analysis the ideas and the skill with which they are communicated, not the language in which they are rendered, reveal the mystery beyond the trinity. Tripura Rahasya showcases some very important ideas.

        I could have chosen a more famous text but the fact that the guru is a woman, at least in the section I reworked, appealed to me. Vedic culture, not without justification, has recently been accused of sexism.  Like the author of Tripura Rahasya, who was undoubtedly male but who chose to let the Vedanta flow from the mouth of a woman, I wanted to make the statement that women are equally capable of realizing the highest truths.

        Increasingly, the great spiritual figures of the age are women and, considering the numerous scandals perpetrated of late by men, probably more worthy of our respect. Although only a ‘mere woman’ according to her disciple husband, Tripura Rahasya’s rishi has her act together.

        I also decided to ‘improve’ the text, an idea bound to raise eyebrows in orthodox quarters.  Obviously I don’t see scripture as set in stone, not for want of devotion to spiritual culture, but because time is no respecter of Truth and much of what passes for Spirit, our own Bible, for example, is often times a peculiar amalgam of truth, fantasy, projected unconscious content and blatant opinion.  Whether scripture comes in pure and is slowly adulterated or whether it is adulterated from the beginning one cannot say. Nonetheless, I prefer to think of spiritual literature, with notable exceptions, as works in progress, transcendent ideas passing through the human mind, and hence in need of disinterested editing. It is up to those who respect Truth to purify sacred texts. Failure to do so will undoubtedly result in an even more disturbed world than the one we have now.  I think a case could be made that many of history’s most blatant religious excesses have been justified on the basis of a literal interpretation of unpurified scripture. 

        Fortunately the translation that came to me in Ramana’s bookstore was remarkably clean. Yet it needed a little work. So I fleshed out some of the ideas, removed linguistic extravagances, archaic metaphors, and redundant examples (which are characteristics of Pauranic literature) and clarified concepts that were perhaps difficult for the translator. I have also added a few auxiliary teachings which are well within the grand traditions of Vedanta and Yoga...when common sense and logic permitted. May God have mercy on my soul. 

        Perhaps I must also plead guilty to the great sin of our age...pandering to the need for entertainment; I spiced and spruced up the relationship between the guru and disciple a bit.  In my defense I got a lot of help from the author who chose the throes of sexual passion as the event that inspired the teachings. One might expect to find such a scenario in touchy-feely New Age literature, but hardly in Vedanta, a discipline so lofty it never deigns to delve into the murky recesses of biology. Of course life is never about what life is about on the surface, and true to form Tripura Rahasya merely uses this dramatic example to lead us into a discussion of the quest for liberation through Self knowledge. 

        I have not actually reworked the entire text although, in addition to another rather farfetched story meant to illustrate the relatively of time and the power of the mind to create reality, it contains marginally important creation theories, the relationship between the dream and waking state, and other interesting and sometimes advanced spiritual ideas. The part I chose, however, deals with issues that any serious seeker will eventually need to confront. It also insists that enlightenment requires disinterested and professional help and suggests that love problems can be solved in an internal way, with a minimum of egoistic squabbling and marriage counselors. Considering the haphazard character of modern questing and the sorry state of gender relations today, I thought these to be timely messages. 

        I have included footnotes and a glossary explaining technical Vedantic words and ideas that should  provide additional information to those who wish to delve more deeply into the mystery beyond the trinity.

 

Note:  The footnotes and glossary are included at the end to the text.

 

 

 

The Mystery Beyond the Trinity

 

 

Salutations to the blissful non-dual Om,1 the transcendental
     Consciousness in which the wonderful universe is mirrored.2

 

Salutations to the undifferentiated and limitless Om that is

worshipped as the supreme Goddess in whose luminous

crystal-pure body all phenomena live and move and have their being.

 

Salutations to the Self, the mystery beyond the waking, dream and deep sleep states.3

 

 

          I will now tell you, Oh seeker, the gospel of the illustrious Goddess which teaches the way to transcendence.

        The Goddess is called Tripura, mistress of the three cities4 and mother of the universe.”5

        Goddess worship purifies the mind and creates zeal for inquiry into Truth.  Those fit for this discourse on wisdom will be freed from misery.

        Though I have realized it, it is not mine.

        It is the essence of the Vedas6 and helps sincere seekers re-discover the essential Self just as a sense of smell allows one to appreciate the fragrance of flowers.

        Miserable are those unable to grasp it.

        No teaching will impress the mind as much as this.  Born of his own experience and validated by scripture, it was first given by the illumined master Dattatreya to his disciple, the pure-minded Parasurama, whose devotional rapture as he listened reached such intensity that his hair stood on end and his skin shivered with joy.” 

        His voice breaking, the disciple said, “Blessed am I that the Supreme Being has incarnated as my gracious Guru who for unknown reasons has just revealed the mystery of the Goddess Tripura.7  Kindly tell me, Master, how should I worship Her?”

        To Parasurama’s delight Dattatreya carefully explained the sacred meditations and rituals appropriate to Goddess worship.

        When the instructions were completed, the disciple bowed, circumambulated the Guru, took the dust of his lotus feet,8 and set off for a holy mountain where he built a small hut and religiously worshipped the Goddess for twelve years.

As the years passed Parasurama’s devotional exuberance waned and he became increasingly contemplative. He often found himself thinking thoughts like  Where does this wonderful world come from?  Why does it exist? It seems permanent but is constantly changing.  Is it real?  Does it ever end?

        And what about me?  I seem to have been many different people playing many roles, but part of me seems to be exactly the same as always.  Who am I?

        I have done so many things with the idea that I would become happier I am no happier now than before. If all this hard work does not bring lasting happiness, what does? 

        And who is this Goddess I have been worshipping so long?  Sometimes I think she is just a projection of my own mind, not a real Being.”

        Unable to resolve his doubts, Parasurama left his little hut, descended the mountain, and set off to find his guru.  After weeks of searching he found Dattatreya sitting in deep meditation under a banyan tree on the banks of the holy Ganges.  He approached the guru’s radiant form, touched the revered lotus feet and stepped back with folded hands.  The Guru came out of his meditation, smiled, and said, “Ah, ha!  You are back after all this time.  How are you?”

        He approached the guru’s radiant form, touched the revered lotus feet and stepped back with folded hands.  The Guru came out of his meditation, smiled, and said, “Ah, ha!  You are back after all this time.  How are you?”

        “I am happy to be back,” Parasurama answered enthusiastically.  “Just the sight of you refreshes me. I am fine.9  My worship of the Goddess was very rewarding, but over the years I have started to think about things in a different way.  May I ask some questions?”

        “Why not?” Dattatreya replied.  “If I know the answers I will tell you.” 

        Dattatreya motioned for him to sit and encouraged him to open his heart.

        “When I was young,” Parasurama began, “our brahmin caste suffered gross injustices at the hands of our kshetriya rulers.  Burning with indignation, I vowed to right these wrongs and set out to exterminate every kshetriya in the country.10  For many years I  killed every one I came across, including women and children. The ancestors were eventually pleased with my devotion but ordered me to desist.  Finally, my wrath was appeased.

        Life returned to normal.  Then one day I heard of a famous kshetriya living in nearby Ayodhya who was said to be an incarnation of dharma, one Rama by name.  I thought my anger was gone but the very mention of his name sent me into a blind fury and I challenged him to battle.11 

        Though I was considered the most powerful warrior in the land Rama easily defeated me...such was his skill. Since it was well-known I had slaughtered so many kshetriyas, I was certain he would kill me, but he was completely free of anger and chose to let me go...ironically, because I was a brahmin12. 

        I had assumed that all kshetriyas were beasts because of the way they treated my family, but Rama was different.  He fought with great courage and, surprisingly, without a trace of anger. When he let me go I was ashamed and humiliated.  But I also felt a strange admiration and wondered if what they said about him being an incarnation was true.

        Although I could not be sure, I was convinced that I would never again be caught in the grip of anger.  Yet I was confused and depressed because my all-consuming passion, revenge, was gone.  On the way home I happened upon the great avadhut,13 Samvarta, sitting in meditation under a large banyan tree in the forest.  As I am sure you know, though he is only a human being, his tapas14 was so powerful he rendered Indra, the King of the Gods, impotent for trying to disrupt a sacrifice.15

        His body was smeared with ash and his spirit glowed like a red hot coal.  Just being near him filled me with a strange exhilaration. The waves of peace emitting from him washed away the disturbing feelings from my defeat at Rama’s hands. 

        I asked about his state and he said he had merged with the Absolute.  When I told him about my Goddess worship, he said that the fruits of ritual worship were limited and that I would have to keep doing my upasanas16 forever to keep my mind quiet.   His presence was so overwhelming I felt like a beggar before a king and was too impressed to question him properly.  It probably would not have made any difference because I think he was too lost in his state to be a good teacher.  For weeks his words confused my mind. 

        I lost interest in devotional practice when I realized it was not going to give answers to the questions troubling me. And I saw that ritualism never ends. Devotion, bhakti17, seems as imperfect as karma18 as a path to happiness. Finally, I began to meditate on death which led to the conclusion that everything we do here is ultimately pointless.

        My meeting with Samvarta made me realize how far a human being can go spiritually.  Everything he does is natural and spontaneous. They say he wanders fearlessly through the jungles in the dead of night. He’s like a majestic elephant playing in a lake of melted snow while the surrounding forest burns.  How did he gain that state? Please explain these things and rescue me from the jaws of the monster of karma.”

 

***

 

        Dattatreya listened with interest and replied, “What you have said shows that you are fit for wisdom.  Because of your virtuous actions and open mind, the Goddess, who dwells in the hearts of all and knows their most pressing needs, has sent you to me for help in scaling the sacred mountain of Self realization.

        Listen carefully.19

        Action itself is never a problem. How can we live without action? But the compulsion to act, the fear that unless one engages in both obligatory and discretionary actions one will not be happy, is a thief in the night making off with your most valuable possession ...peace of mind. Working for the wrong reasons with the wrong attitude, humans have lost the power to distinguish what is ultimately good from what is expedient. Therefore, their minds are incapable of inquiry into Truth...like the tired and hungry man who mistook poisonous wild mushrooms for edible ones. The poison caused blindness and he lost his way, eventually stumbling into a river where he was eaten by a crocodile. To be eaten by the crocodile of desire and obligation is the fate of those who lose their discrimination searching for happiness in objects and activities.

        Fortunately you have transcended this distracted state and are now capable of making an investigation into your own nature. Inquiry is the cause of liberation, a seed that will flourish into a gigantic tree of lasting happiness.  Inquiry leads to discrimination and discrimination, separating the real from the apparent,20 to liberation.

        Certainly you know the famous story from the Ramayana.  Because of his attachment to his wife’s desires, Rama, the Self, temporarily loses discrimination and fails to heed the wise advice of his brother. Because of this lapse, Ravana, the ten-headed21 ego monster, steals Sita by subterfuge. Sita means ‘peace’ and stands for a pure mind, one wedded to the Self. To regain his peace of mind Rama, with the help of bhakti, (Hanuman), wars with and ultimately kills the ravenous ego.22 Had he used discrimination in the first place much suffering would have been avoided. 

        Inquiry,23 life’s most valuable possession, is the royal road to Self realization. I was concerned when you left twelve years ago after your vision of the Goddess because you were acting only on your devotional feelings. I taught you how to worship properly so that you would develop an inquiring mind. You have become self-aware because of your meditations on the Goddess. For those who worship Her become rich in love and brilliant of mind.

        “But surely, the Goddess blesses many in this way. Are there other factors necessary for liberation?” Parasurama replied.

        “Very good!” Dattatreya said, impressed by the question. Association with the wise leads to Self inquiry. Inquiry is not simply asking questions like ‘Who am I,’ ‘What is the cause of the universe?’  ‘Why am I suffering?’ and waiting or praying for an answer.  It is a process of discrimination, comparing the ego with the Self, accepting the knowledge that you are whole and complete and allowing it to percolate into every aspect of your being until the mind is transformed and your feelings and actions harmonize with the Truth. 

        “What do you mean by ‘the knowledge that I am whole and complete?’ said Parasurama.

        “People under the spell of ignorance think of themselves as limited, inadequate, incomplete beings. Because this is merely an ill-considered opinion and not a fact, they suffer.  The more they cling to this notion the more disturbed they become, until everything they do reinforces this belief. A change of habits, devotional practice, meditation, or intellectually asking ‘Who am I?’ will not remove this fundamental error. 

        But changing the platform from which you view yourself...seeing yourself as adequate, whole, and complete...will cause your thought and feeling life to gradually shift and eventually synchronize with your real nature. All that separates you from your Self is the erroneous notion that you are incomplete and inadequate. Discrimination, because it blows away the cloud of unknowing veiling the Self, allows you to stand free of your fears and desires. When your mind is free it can easily realize the Self.

        Association with a realized soul lets you see how his or her Self knowledge translates into an efficient and happy life. Slowly the vision transfers to you.” 

        “I thought the whole point of spiritual practice, meditation especially, was to stop thinking altogether. Do not our ancient yoga texts say enlightenment only comes when the mind is free of thoughts?”24

        “There is truth to that view,” Dattatreya replied, “because one cannot conduct a proper inquiry into oneself until the mind is psychologically sound, relatively free of disturbing thoughts and feelings. But thought is natural to human beings, a function in consciousness...like breathing. And the Self is beyond the mind, unaffected by thought or not-thought.  The Self does seem to automatically appear when the mind is still, but keeping the mind free of thoughts is not possible, except momentarily. The process of inquiry uses the mind’s power to ‘lift it out of itself’ or ‘experience the Self.’ And since it is the mind that gets enlightened, it must remain awake and alert for the knowledge of the Self to dawn in it. A mind without thought is not a mind. When the experience of emptiness, which is just another dualistic  experience, ends, ignorance reasserts itself and all one’s limitations return.”

        “I think I understand,” said Parasurama, but is not a new way of thinking just another limiting factor?”

        “Yes, but this kind of thinking is different.  When the stomach is upset with too much acid, a base is taken. When the base neutralizes the acid, neither remains. The thought that I am whole and complete neutralizes the thought that I am incomplete and inadequate, leaving the mind free of confining thoughts. In a mind free of limiting concepts the ever-free Self is realized.”

        “But I thought you said a thinking mind was necessary for realization?”

        “Thinking is not a problem.  We need the mind to take care of many things in life. The only thought that causes problems is the thought “I am a limited being.” 

        “But surely this is not a conscious thought?”

        “Correct!” said Dattatreya, impressed by his disciple’s insight. “It is unconscious, hidden behind the screen of daily thinking. The purpose of inquiry is to expose this thought (which we take for the truth) and replace it with the truth...I am limitless being.  I am effortless awareness.  I am the Self.  In fact, there is nothing to replace. When you transcend the mind, the Self, the mind’s substrate, is realized.

        But let me return to the point about association with the wise. If you analyze your experience you will see that you had contact with Rama, Samvarta, and me.  Before you met us you were an atheistic, angry, violent young man, heading for destruction. Rama’s compassion turned you around and made you think about what you were doing.  Samvarta gave you a deep experience of the Self which made you question the way you were living.  And I will show you who you are using the teachings of the science of Self Realization.

        Let me tell a story that shows the importance of associating with mahatmas.25 

        One day a learned and cultured prince became separated from his hunting party in a deep forest and stumbled upon a clearing. To his amazement he saw a beautiful, radiant, peaceful young woman sitting in front of a small grass hut. 

        When he approached and asked who she was she welcomed him with great courtesy saying, “Hospitality is the sacred duty of the pious.”

        He realized that in spite of her humble surroundings and common dress she was a cultured person.

        She offered refreshment and told her story.  “My name is Hemalekha and I am the foster child of Nyaghrapada, a sage of unparalleled wisdom,” she said. 

        I am the actual daughter of a beautiful celestial damsel, Vidyadhari26 who came to a nearby river to bathe one day. It so happened that a nobleman who was passing saw her and immediately fell in love. She returned his love and became pregnant but he ran off and left her alone...as men are likely to do.  She was afraid of slander and caused an abortion, but I was born alive and placed on the river bank. 

        Nyaghrapada came to the river for evening prayers and took me home because of his love for sentient beings. Our scriptures say that the one who offers righteous protection is the father. I am therefore his daughter and devoted to him.”

        “But are not you afraid to live alone in the forest,” Hemachuda asked?

        “Not at all,” she replied. “The sage is very powerful. Not even gods or demons can enter this hermitage if they harbor selfish motives, much less mere mortals. Wait here. The sage is gathering flowers for his worship. When he returns, humbly ask for shelter and I am sure he will let you stay the night.”

        At some point during Himalekha’s story the prince fell hopelessly in love and his mind became extremely agitated. Fearing that his feelings might cause her offense he tried to conceal them, but she picked up on them and said, “I understand your feelings, prince. Tell my father everything and see what happens.”

        Realizing she shared his feelings to some extent, the prince relaxed. When the sage arrived, carrying a basket of flowers for his worship, the prince rose, prostrated, introduced himself and took his seat at the sage’s direction. Assessing the situation with his occult powers, Nyagrhapada said, “I see that you are in love with my daughter. You have my permission to marry her. Treat her well for she is much more than you, in your distracted state, think.”

        Though he did not know what the sage meant, the prince was overjoyed and returned to the palace with Hemakekha the next morning. The king and queen were also pleased and ordered a week’s festivities culminating in a grand wedding. 

        On the wedding night the couple retired to the nuptial chamber to consummate the marriage, the prince wild with excitement.  As he became more and more aroused he realized his wife’s mood did not match his own. In fact, she seemed quite unresponsive. So he stopped his lovemaking and said, “What is the matter, dear?  Is not this greatest of pleasures to your taste? You seem quite indifferent. How can I be happy if you are uninterested in sex? You seem almost unconscious and, incredibly, you even asked, “My Lord, did you come?” I doubt that you even heard the wonderful things I said to you. To be honest, I am terribly disappointed. This has been one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. What is the matter?”

        Hemalekha looked at him with amusement, a slight smile on her face, but said nothing.

        Clearly distraught, the prince said, “Please speak!  Why are you like this?  You are more dear to me than my own life. Please relieve my mind!”

        Seeing her infatuated husband’s distress, Hemalekha said,  “It is not that I do not love you, but every minute I am trying to find a joy that will not eventually become a source of frustration. Perhaps this is why I seem distracted. I am sure there is such a joy but I am not exactly sure what it is. It can not be sex, can it, since one always seems to need more of it?  Perhaps you know what it is and will help me find it. ”

        Hemachuda laughed derisively and said, “Are you serious?  You are a typical woman, slightly short of brains. Even animals know what is good and bad.  Whatever feels good is good and what feels bad is bad!”

        “It is true women are foolish, lacking in common sense,” Hemalekha replied with a touch of sarcasm. “How kind of you to correct my thinking so I can enjoy this ‘greatest of pleasures’ with the  same heedless passion that seems to motivate you.  This will make for a very happy marriage, I am sure.”

        Hemachuda was shocked and confused by his wife’s attitude. No one had ever spoken to him in this manner and he was unable to reply.

        Hemalekha continued, “If it is true that getting what you want is happiness and avoiding what you do not is unhappiness then why does an object that formerly gave happiness often bring unhappiness? You were quite happy with me as a woman until you discovered that I do not share the same interest in sex.  Now you are quite unhappy with me, ridiculing as foolish and stupid the very woman that only a few hours ago you vowed to honor and protect for as long as you live.

        Or take a less personal example. In the winter fire gives pleasure, in the summer discomfort. This leads to the conclusion that pleasure and pain are controlled by circumstances, not personal will.  Everything that can be possessed and enjoyed changes.  If it does not change, then you change. You become dissatisfied and your relationship with it changes. 

        If what feels good is happiness then why is not your father happy? He can instantly have any pleasure known to man. Yet, he is full of desires, as if he has nothing at all. Every minute he is trying to get something he thinks he lacks.” 

        Hemachuda, amazed at the depth of his wife’s understanding, saw his anger change to admiration.

        She continued, “I think that happiness associated with objects and activities, the kind that can change to unhappiness or indifference, is not real happiness. Anyone who thinks that satisfying desires will lead to happiness is mistaken.  In fact desire is a sign of unhappiness. 

        Take sex, for example.  Why do you want sex?  Because you are tortured by lust. Sex is not actually what you want. After all, what is it but two pieces of meat rubbing together? What you want is the freedom from the misery of lust. But sex does not diminish the pain of lust...except temporarily. Quite the contrary, the more sex one has, the more one’s lust increases. 

        Or beauty. Every day people fall in love with something or someone they find attractive  because they think it will bring  happiness. Yet beauty is not in any object.  If it were, the same object would make everyone who possessed and enjoyed it happy. Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point.

        A handsome king was very devoted to his equally beautiful wife.  But the wife loved a servant in the royal household. She had the servant get the king very drunk every evening and call in a prostitute who showed the king a good time while the queen carried on with the servant. The king thought he was the happiest of men to be married to such a wonderful woman.

        One night, however, the servant, eager to get to the queen, neglected to stay until the king was sufficiently drunk. The king enjoyed himself for a while but the alcohol wore off before he passed out and he discovered the ruse.   

        When he threatened the woman she confessed.  He ran to the queen’s chambers and found her locked in the embrace of the loathsome servant.  Realizing the vanity of his ways the king abandoned his duties and went off in search of God.”

        “At least some good came of it,” Hemachuda said.

        “Perhaps,” said Hemalekha, “but I find it interesting that the king was happy as long as he thought the prostitute was his wife. When he discovered otherwise his happiness deserted him.  This shows that acting out the mental concept associated with his desire, not the queen or the love making itself, made him happy.”

        “I do not understand,” her husband replied.  “Please explain.”

        “Based on the memory of previous pleasant experiences, the mind creates a fantasy which it would like to enjoy,” Hemakekha began.  “The more it thinks about its fantasy the more it becomes enslaved to it. When the pain of enslavement is too great to bear the fantasy has to become reality. So it is directed to a real person. The fantasy exerts a magnetic attraction on the object. Who can resist so much need? If the projection works and the fantasized object succumbs, the relationship will be unsuccessful because people need to be taken for what they are, not as objects of desire.  Each of us needs to know that we are valuable, quite apart from the projections of others.” 

        If you want to make love with me and you want me to respond to you, then you need to find out who I am. What pleasure is in it for me if I know that you are only making love with the idea that women are meant to satisfy men’s lust? Real love is when you love the beloved for the beloved’s sake, not simply for what she can do for you. If you loved me for my sake you would take time to find out who I am.”

        Hemachuda, who had been following the argument carefully, suddenly felt ashamed.

        Hemalekha continued, “Even if this idea is incorrect, consider carefully what you actually think is the source of sexual pleasure. 

        Take a look at this,” she said, pointing to her body.  “Just what part do you love? The hair? Dead protein. The bones? Only calcium. And what about the lower half, the part that seems of special interest to men?  Should we talk about the blood, the mucus, the feces and urine, not to mention the host of tiny organisms that live and breed and die inside.

        A look of disgust and comprehension crossed Hemachuda’s face and Hemalekha saw that she had made her point. 

        Hemachuda was absolutely amazed at Hemalekha’s strange discourse.  When he fell in love he had no idea she was so self-contained and such a deep thinker. His admiration increased and he thought carefully about everything she said.  Slowly his interest in worldly pleasures waned.

        Yet desire remained and he found himself unable to either enjoy himself or to let go of the cravings completely, his mind swaying to and fro like a swing. The constant struggle sapped his energy and he became sad and depressed. 

        “You seem distracted these days,” his wife said.   “What is the matter?”

        “As if you did not know,” he said dejectedly.   “Your words brought on this sorry state.  I am like a condemned man unable to enjoy his last dinner.   Nonetheless I am not angry with you.  Maybe you can help me out of it.  I want my happiness back.”

        “Yes, you are right.  My well-chosen words brought this favorable reaction.”

        “Favorable reaction?” Hemachuda replied sarcastically.  “You must be joking.  This is not a pleasant state of mind.”

        “I know that, but had you simply ignored my words and continued your blind pursuit of pleasure, you would have been unfit for the Gospel.”

        “The Gospel?  What Gospel? 

        “The teachings of the Goddess Tripura, the science of Self knowledge, the only sure way to lasting happiness.”

        “This is ridiculous.  Will you stop playing with me?  Are you now claiming to possess the supreme happiness that is spoken of in our ancient scriptures? 

        “Perhaps it does seem preposterous that a mere woman should be enlightened, but you might recall that I am the daughter of a celestial and that I was raised by the omniscient sage, Nyagrhapada.”

        “But the morning after our wedding night you said that you were still seeking lasting happiness. Now you  say you have it. What am I to believe?”

        “I am sorry I deceived you,” Hemalekha said.  But I thought it would have been a little too much for you to accept at first. That is why I started the discussion in a way you might find more acceptable.  

But my Self knowledge is the real reason for my lack of interest in worldly things. Not that I do not enjoy myself in every way, but there is no reason to work for something I already have.”

        “Something you already have?” 

        “People pursue pleasure for the happiness it brings, not for the pleasure itself. When you are already happy, why chase pleasure?”

        What you say is logical, but could it be true? Do you feel happy all the time?”

        “It is not exactly happy as opposed to unhappy, but a sense of being complete and whole...not needing anything. I experience pleasure and pain like you but I do not seek pleasure or try to avoid pain. I take what comes with a grain of salt because I know that ultimately nothing can change me...for better or for worse.  I am satisfied with what I am.”

        “Again, I am sorry I deceived you but you would not have believed me in that emotionally charged moment. I know you have no way of knowing whether or not what I say is true, and I may have made things worse by deceiving you, but I think you realized that what I said about sex and love was true.

        “It is hard to admit, but yes, you are right. It did make sense.”

        “I thought so. It caused a change and now you are open to hearing more.”

        “More of what?” 

        “The Gospel of my mother the Goddess Sri Tripura.”

        “I think I have heard enough already.  Look at the state your wisdom has put me in.”

        “Yes, that is true, but the Gospel also shows the way out.”

        “What is the way out?  I will do anything to get out of this state.”

        “First you need to understand why you are as you are, why you have forgotten your original nature.  Let me tell you my true story. 

        My Mother,27 a great queen, gave me to one of her ladies in waiting, a very pure woman28 whom I loved more than life itself. I could not remain without her even for even a few minutes. This woman, however, loved Madame Ignorance,29 a wicked strumpet who was forever creating new and exciting things.  Because of my attachment to the lady in waiting, who was like a sister to me, I also associated with her friend behind my Mother’s back.

        That wicked woman secretly introduced her son, an ignorant drunk, one Mr. Fool,30 to my friend, who openly carried on the most unseemly affair with him.  Needless to say, I was shocked and disgusted, but I would not leave her because I was very attached to her. Before long they had a child who was named Master Inconstant.31 This child inherited his father’s stupidity and his grandmother’s creative wickedness.  Under their tutelage he grew up to be a restless fellow skilled in their ways. He could negotiate the most difficult places with perfect ease and surmount obstacles in a trice.

        Because of her association with Madame Ignorance, Mr. Fool, and Master Inconstant, my friend gradually lost interest in me but I was young and needy so I hung around anyway.  Mr. Fool, a lusty fellow who was continually having intercourse with his wife, thought I was like her and repeatedly tried to rape me.  But I am pure by nature and successfully resisted him.32  Even so, people thought I was his mistress.

        Because my friend was so busy carrying on with her husband I had to take care of Master Inconstant who eventually grew up and married a wife of his mother’s choosing, one Miss Unsteady,33a restless woman who pandered to her husband’s every whim by assuming any mood pleasing to him. Though he could fly hundreds of miles and return in a twinkling, he was completely restless and bored.  His wife, however, entertained him by endlessly creating exciting new situations, and becoming whatever he wanted so that he eventually fell completely under her spell.34 Shortly after their marriage they moved to the city of ten gates.35

        She bore him five devoted sons36 who were also entrusted to my care.  Each erected a splendid palace in which to entertain the father. In one he could listen to all manner of pleasant music: incantations of the Vedas, the reading of scriptures, the humming sounds of bees, and the twittering of birds. Sometimes he heard the raging sea, thunderclaps, earthquakes, the roar of lions, the rattle of the dead, and the lamentations of the living.

        In the house of the second son through which hot and cold vapors circulated, he experienced hard rocky furniture yet slept in downy beds in silky pajamas.  He was pleased with whatever felt good and displeased with whatever felt uncomfortable.

        When he visited the third son he saw innumerable scenes in immeasurable colors, some pleasing and some unpleasant.

        In the forth son’s mansion he spent his days drinking sweet, sour, pungent and astringent juicy liquids.

        In the last son’s home he was treated to every imaginable smell.

        The sons were so devoted to their father they wouldn’t touch anything in their homes in his absence.40

         Master Inconstant, being fickle, divorced Miss Unsteady and wedded Madame Vorax41 whom he loved heart and soul.  Madame Vorax had a huge belly and a very long pencil-thin neck.  She kept her new husband and his five sons busy from dawn to dusk stocking in provisions...for her’s was a gargantuan appetite.  All her men became weak and sickly from working  to meet her needs.  Yet, because her hungry belly was so large and her neck so long and narrow it took forever for the food to reach her stomach...no matter how much she ate.  Therefore, she was always hungry.

the younger, Master Mean.43 Alas, theirs was not a happy family because whenever Mr. Inconstant had sex with Madame Vorax, which was often, Master Flaming-Mouth scorched his body and Master Mean, a contemptuous fellow, beat him mercilessly.44  Eventually Mr. Inconstant lost all his energy trying to satisfy Madame Vorax. The situation became so bad he could no longer feed her properly.  Fortunately, his grandmother, Madame Ignorance, had an endless store of food which she happily contributed, much to the delight of Madame Vorax.

        When Master Inconstant fell asleep, watched by my friend,45 his sons also fell asleep. On such occasions the city46 was guarded by his intimate friend, Mr. Motion,47 who was continually moving to and fro by the upper gateway.

        During the interval between waking and sleep I would leave the city and remain in the blissful embrace of my Mother,48 returning when Mr. Motion awakened his friend Mr. Inconstant.

        Mr. Inconstant and his sons could not live for a moment without Mr. Motion. Though only a tiny seed he keeps the whole universe running. Smaller than the tiniest atom, he multiplies into all the names and forms we see here, sustaining, and destroying everything. He is the thread holding every experience together like pearls in a necklace. He is the bond between the prisoners in the city and myself.49   When the city has outlived its usefulness he spirits its citizens to another.50

        Though born of a virtuous mother, brought up by me, and supported by such a powerful friend, Mr. Inconstant is always miserable. My friend, his mother, was stricken by grief by her son’s calamities and nearly died of sorrow. I too suffered out of attachment to her and indeed it seemed that I had become an ignorant, foolish, inconstant, unsteady, angry, mean person, though I am always pure because I am one with my Mother, who is supremely good, subtler and as pervasive as space. She is all knowing yet capable of limited knowledge, is inactive yet capable of activity. Though unsupported and unattached, everything depends on her.  Formless, she is all forms. She illuminines the minds of every being but is unknown by most. She is bliss but not blissful. Unborn and unmarried she has as many offspring as the ocean has waves. Like me, each is involved in the lives of his or her companions and yet possess a secret inner knowledge that sets us apart from everything.51  One day my friend became fed up with all the misery and asked the way out.  It told her to divorce her husband, kill her son, and imprison her grandchildren. Though she resisted at first, she eventually saw the wisdom in my advice. When she had completed her tasks I introduced her to my Mother who embraced her with open arms.52 She dived into the sea of Bliss and became Bliss itself.

        In the same way,” Hemalekha concluded, “you can overcome your association with the unhealthy parts of yourself, transcend karmic propensities53 and gain lasting happiness.”

 

***

 

        Hemachuda was astonished at his wife’s tale.  “I never know what to expect from you,” he said.  “No offence, but at times I think you are quite mad.  I assume that you are not talking about reality because this is the second account of your past I have heard so far.  I do not know what to make of it”.

        “It is a fantastic story,” said Hemalekha with great love, “and not to be taken literally. It is not about the ‘reality’ you are referring to but to an inner reality, a story going on all the time in every human being. I think I made a mistake assuming that you could relate to it at this point. Let us not worry about it now. I think it will make sense later when you have had more experience.”

        “You know, Hemalekha,” I hate to say this, but I am not sure I like this relationship we seem to be developing. It is very confusing to me. I’m never certain how to take what you say. Sometimes I think you are just using this whole spiritual idea to keep me down.”

        “I can understand how you must feel, since you have no way of checking up on what I  am saying.  I guess you will just have to trust me. Perhaps we need to go back to the wedding night where this all started.”

        “I do not think that is a good idea,” said Hemachuda. “That was a very painful evening.”

        “The reason I say that is because I think you do not realize that the reason I was so frank with you is because I love you.  I want this marriage to work and I believe it will only work if we can get to know each other. I cannot accept the traditional relationship in which the wife cowers in the shadow of the husband. I need to be appreciated for who I really am.  Because you cannot always see that, I need to show you.  

       I know how hard it is to listen to a woman. But I am on your side. Part of you knows that because my words had such a powerful effect on you before. Try to listen from that part. Hear me with an open mind.”

       Hemachuda made a determination to try.

       She continued, “Everything in this world depends on trust.  The farmer who plants his crops trusts that sun and rain will bless them. Can a baby survive without trust in its mother? Or a lover gain pleasure without trust in his or her beloved? The universal belief that the law of cause and effect will produce certain results is based on trust. The order of nature and the very fabric of society depends on it.

       Yes, you need to trust me and I think trust will come if we work at it, but I do not fault you for not swallowing  everything because right now you have no way of knowing what is behind it.   

        But I think that no matter what happens with us, you have been deeply affected by what has happened and you will always look behind the surface  to find the truth. If you cannot hear me, why not take scripture as your guide?”

        “What scripture?” Hemachuda said. 

        “Our ancient holy texts. The Vedas, the Upanishads.  They are saying what I am saying.  And if you cannot trust them, trust the Lord because faith is always superior to cynicism.

        As he listened Hemachuda’s negativity dissolved.    

        “I am sorry I doubted you,” he said.  “I seem to have been under the spell of Madame Ignorance. Your words have again awakened me again.  I  am so lucky to have met you. What should I do next?”

        “After I have explained a point and you have taken it in you must follow up with appropriate effort. The path to Self realization is a path of self transformation. Intellectual understanding is very important...but not enough. 

       And the very first thing, what you need to come back to over and over, is the realization that life without Self knowledge is suffering. If you are still trying to attain happiness in the world, through a relationship with me or anyone else, for example, you are not ready for this excellent path. Next you need to see that if you could get out of it on your own, you would have done so by now.  You need help.  But you cannot completely rely on a teacher either, so you should appeal to the Creator of this grand illusion called life. Without God’s grace spiritual progress is impossible. When God, a personification of your innermost Self, is invoked with a pure heart, Self knowledge will come.”

        “What if I do not believe in a Creator?”

        “Fair enough.  But let me ask you this: who made you?  If you say a sperm and an egg, who made the sperm and egg?  If you say your parents, who made them?  When you trace back you come to a point where you understand that something much greater than the sum of its parts had to make the universe.  And it is that uncaused partless whole  you need to invoke. 

        If It has the power to generate this bewitching illusion, It also has the power to wake you up.”

        “So why doesn’t It just wake me up and be done with it?”