Dear Ram,
(quoting Ram from a previous e-mail)
“You move around and avoid attachments, your pursuits are purely
‘spiritual’ (note how contemptuous you are of the idea of relationships, which
is typical of a renunciate) and you have abandoned
worldly duties, except small daily duties.”
Cathy: (replies)
I do not deliberately avoid attachments.
I was born with natural, inbuilt detachment for most things and
people. The only people (no objects at
all ever) that I was ever almost unreasonably attached to were my entire
family; mother, father, sisters and son.
That’s it. No
one else. I guess there are
degrees of attachment and that one is as ill founded as any other. But it is receding rapidly, truly. Certainly non-attachment may not have been
perfected yet, but I’m working on it and I think if I had to be tested on this
if the S hit the F, I would come through with colors. There is attachment to the higher concepts
like the limitless Self.
Ram:
You are the limitless Self. But if
you insist on being Cathy…that sounds right.
I wonder if you can attain non-attachment or perfect it by
practice. And why would one want to do
this when one already has pure non-attachment in spades…as the Self? In fact you say, “I
was born with natural inbuilt detachment…”
I don’t believe that Cathy was born with it but that you, the Self, had
it all along. I see you as perfect. Why not you?
Please don’t think I’m trying to
hector you. What I’m trying to
communicate, if it’s not clear, is this: isn’t it time to give up spiritual
practice, sadhana? How about writing off
Cathy? Isn’t it time to claim one
identity only… what you actually are?
How long can you keep working on yourself? Are you convinced that you are actually
getting better? Is there better? On the basis of what dissatisfactions do you
opine that you need work? Why not
renounce the dissatisfactions and save yourself all the work?
I don’t think you need work. The problem with this whole spiritual
practice idea is that as one ‘evolves’ one’s dissatisfactions get more subtle
and one is forced to take up even subtler practices to resolve them. When does it end? You will recall in the story of the princess
and the pea that even after thirty mattresses had been piled on top of the pea
she could not get a night’s sleep…not because the pea was bigger with each
additional mattress but because her sensitivity just kept developing. The spiritual world is full the most
incredibly useless practices, practices that just keep the ego alive and
nothing more. I was speaking with a guy
today who is so spiritual and kind and loving and compassionate that he makes
Jesus look like a Attila the Hun and he was telling me about the long and
difficult process of forgiveness he had to go through to neutralize the sense
of lack that he discovered when he lost his hat! Honestly.
I said, “Why didn’t you just go out and buy another hat?”
In the last few years I’ve met
dozens of people who came to India twenty or thirty years ago and have been
doing sadhana, as they saw it, all along.
And you know what I’ve been hearing?
“In spite of all my years of sadhana I’m just the same as I always was.” One woman realized it when we were walking
around the mountain and in two weeks she left
Cathy: Yes, I must admit most of my
pursuits are based on the desire for the soaring heights of metaphysical gems
that emanate from the teachings of the Masters.
You are the only master. Your first paragraph was scripture, as good
as any Veda. Step up and claim your
prize.
Ram