Dear Sri Sri Bhogiji Sureshji Maharaj,
Here are my sterling
words of wisdom. They should set you
free, assuming you’ve not had too many pints of Guiness
Stout.
Suresh: I have a
question but it hasn't formulated itself coherently yet so I will type out as I
go along hopefully you will get the gist of what I am saying.
People here, a couple of
friends have had discussions with me about vasanas. They are saying basically
that vasanas have to be seen for what they are in order for them to dissipate,
in order for clear light of awareness to fully shine at all times permanently,
Ram: There is a misconception right here at the
beginning of their argument. The clear
light of awareness shines all the time.
It has never not shone. It shines whether there are vasanas or
not. Nothing any human being can do
will make it shine.
The second problem with
this statement is this: who is going to ‘see them for what they are?’ The clear light of awareness sees them
always. They are only known in the clear
light of awareness. Even the ego can’t
see them since they are subtler than the ego.
Although, it is true that they can be ‘seen’ when they emerge into the
mind as one’s desires and fears, thoughts and feelings, memories, dreams,
fantasies, etc.
The third problem is that
the vasanas need not dissipate. They
dissipate naturally if you live life consciously…maybe this is what they
mean. Actually, vasanas themselves are never
a problem. If you
have a body and mind you have vasanas, enlightened or not. The problem is attachment to them. Attachment is caused by the mistaken belief
that indulging or suppressing them will bring happiness or unhappiness. When you act out a vasana it is always with
the belief that you will enjoy a certain positive result or avoid a negative
result…and that this result will somehow complete you, make you happier than
you are…or less unhappy. So you become attached to
the fruits of your vasana-inspired actions.
This attachment clouds the mind and keeps you from seeing that you are
already as happy as you are ever going to be.
When you realize that, the vasanas have no hold on you because acting
them out will not improve your situation.
Suresh: in other
words, the vasanas need to be gone for full blown enlightenment (a word I do
not use a lot!) to happen.
Ram: Good for you.
There is no such thing as full blow or partially blown
enlightenment. As Ramana says, it is
jnanam, understanding who one is.
Enlightenment is not achieved by getting the pure light of awareness to
shine permanently. The pure light of
awareness shines permanently already. It
has nothing to do with time. It is out
of time. It cannot stop shining. It is the very nature of the Self. Enlightenment is the hard and fast
understanding that ‘I am the clear light of awareness.’
There is nothing you can
do to gain it because you are it. You
can only see if it is true. It may be
that attachment to certain vasanas prevents you from seeing that it is true, in
which case you need to disassociate from the vasana so that you can investigate
the clear light and discover your identity as it.
Suresh: Until then
(the vasanas are exhausted) you may have no doubt that you are Self itself, yet
the tendency of habits can arise and cloud the clarity of being Self then and
there.
Ram: It is true that as long as there are binding
attachments to the vasanas it is very unlikely that one can clearly understand oneself to be clear ordinary awareness. The phrase ‘clarity of being Self’ is not
very precise, although I think I know what you mean. It would be better to say, “clear understanding that I am the limitless Self.”
Suresh: Here comes my need
to clarify. In the midst of emotions such as irritation, frustrations, and agitation
one is aware of having these emotions and one can keenly be aware that he is
experiencing the shadows of these emotions as they arise yet he knows Himself
to be Self without any doubt.
Ram: Yes, this is a statement of a Self realized
person. One is aware of these things
because one is awareness.
Suresh: My friends say, “ “If during such a mind
state one inquires as to who is experiencing these disturbing emotions then it
makes sense that the clarity of Self will overtake these temporary negative
traits and remove the shadow of vasana.
It sounds to me like a practice that you have to do when seized by such
moments. To me thinking about these
charged emotions after a situation arises (usually involving another person) is
THINKING. This is what I understood what
my guru meant when he said "Don't think!" or "Don't move!"
Ram: This ‘clarity of Self’
taking over means what? The Self is
always clear. It isn’t going to ‘take
over’ anything because it is already in charge of everything, meaning that
nothing exists without it. Secondly, who
is going to be doing this practice? If
you are the Self and you know it why will you bother about any vasanas because
they have no effect on you? If you are
the ego, how are you going to ‘take over’ any vasana-generated state of mind. You yourself
are nothing but a vasana imagining that you are somebody.
Finally, why is thinking
a problem? Why are emotions a
problem? You cannot remove thinking or
emotions. Did you ever meet anyone who
did? When your teacher says, “Don’t
think!” to whom is he addressing this command?
He will not be addressing it to the Self because the Self is free of
thought. If he is addressing it to someone
else, who is it that can stop thinking?
There is nobody who can stop thought.
It is just a fantasy. The
thoughts come up on their own. They are the vasanas outpicturing. Nobody is going to stop them. And even if you could stop thinking, does
that equal enlightenment? We stop
thinking for a good seven or eight hours a day when we sleep yet we are none
the wiser. Thought is arrested in coma
and nirvikalpa samadhi yet when you wake up you are still an idiot. If the absence of thought is enlightenment,
then who isn’t enlightened?
Suresh: It is perplexing me to some
degree because it is a very fine line since Self has
no quality yet these colours of mind arise in the midst of Self! Self is not excluded from anything including
these emotions. How can Self be separate from anything? Yet there is this need to
weed out vasanas and an admission that in these moments you are not awareness
itself, you are separate.
Ram: You are absolutely correct about the
Self. You are Self
realized. You just lack confidence in
what you know. This is often a problem
when you argue with people who don’t know…they plant doubts. It is good, however, because it makes you
think more clearly and sort it out.
The problem lies in the
meaning of ‘need to weed out.’ If I am
the Self the vasanas are me but I am not the vasanas so why do they need to be
‘weeded out?’ If there is any ‘weeding’
it is a weeding that takes place in understanding only. One needs to understand that the vasanas are
just the Self in its subtlest manifest state.
If I’m an ego, a body mind entity, then I can worry about the vasanas
because they are making me what I am and I may not like what I am. But I am not a body mind entity. I am the clear light of awareness, the light
in which the vasanas dance. What do they
have to do with me? This is how a jnani
sees it.
To whom does this need
arise? It is impossible that you are not
awareness itself in any moment.
Awareness is your nature. It is
unborn. It is not something that you get
or develop or cultivate. This whole
business of ‘becoming aware’ is ridiculous. You cannot ‘become more aware.’ You are awareness. It is something to be realized. In awareness certain things are known and
certain other things unknown. If you
want enlightenment you need to pursue knowledge so you can lay your ignorance
about who you are to rest. Becoming more aware even if it were possible
will not get you anywhere.
Suresh: I am reminded
of Ramana's Samadhi in the Patala Lingam, I recall
you saying once, (correct me if I am wrong) that He was clearing away some
subtle vasanas. In reading his answers
he says vasanas cannot live if one is present.
Teachers such as Issac , Gangaji and John De Ruiter even Papaji teach to
either dive, melt, embrace, welcome, soften around these states of mind in
order to see their unreality.
Ram: I would like to know what dive, melt, embrace
actually means. Who is doing this? And why? There is no subtle action you can do to see
their unreality. You can only understand
that they are unreal. Unreal just means
impermanent. How does ‘diving’ etc.
help? To dive you need a diver, a
doer. You dive and you reinforce the
belief in yourself as a doer, a limited being.
Maybe what these gurus are saying is that these states of mind are not a
problem if you accept them. This is true
but the language is unhelpful…because it reinforces your belief in yourself as
a doer.
If you want to see their
unreality, make some decisions based on your desires and see how they play
out. See if you get lasting
happiness. If you don’t you can conclude
that they are not real and dismiss them.
Most of these spiritual types refuse to live in such a way that the
vasanas exhaust quickly and naturally.
They just hang on to their desires and try to get what they want…which
reinforces the vasanas and produces unpleasant states of mind…and then they
want some kind of technique to neutralize the vasanas. Or they want an experience that will take
them where there are no vasanas. But
this is not possible because the only place where there are no vasanas is the
Self and they are already the Self. So
they are trying to get what they already have.
And none of the gurus you
mentioned teaches karma yoga as it is conceived in the Gita…because they would
not have even one disciple. The only
effective time-tested way to deal with the vasanas is to assume the karma yoga
attitude which is based on the hard and fast truth that actions in the world,
not what you want or don’t want, , cause karma to fructify. And secondly, that karma, the results of
your vasana-inspired actions, has no power to disturb your mind…unless you are
longing for a specific result. If you
just do what you do, surrendering your actions to the Self, and accept the
results as prasad, a gift from God, the vasanas burn
out quickly and naturally and you are not subject to unpleasant emotional
states. The gurus you mention are
actually not telling the whole truth, either because they are confused
themselves or they have an attachment to their identities as gurus. The people they are talking to are basically
immature Westerners who have no idea what the karma yoga state of mind is
because the societies they grew up in are completely based on the idea that
satisfying one’s vasanas is the only intelligent way to live. Consequently, they have virtually no viragya, dispassion, and are forever looking for some easy
magic technique that will put them in charge of their emotions.
Suresh: At first I
thought my friends meant that you have to ACTIVELY seek out these tendencies in
order to refine the diamond that you are, but this is not the case.
Ram: Here’s another misconception. You cannot
‘refine the diamond that you are.’ You
are the diamond that you are. There is
nothing to be done about it. Either you
see that you are ‘a diamond’ i.e. the Self or you don’t. There is no working on it. It is unchangeable.
Suresh: it is only
when they arise. I personally felt that
seeing such states was some kind of indulgence in experiencing them. Self IS, untainted
,unmoving and objectless. So why
bother with them, if they arise, they arise and as they are not permanently
present not to bother with them.
Ram: Yes, absolutely. You are right. These people are karmis,
doers. They have an unholy need to do, to gain a result that they feel will make them happy, in
this case remove or refine the vasanas.
It is not possible. Vasanas drop
off as they become exhausted through honest living and intelligent thinking
based on the karma yoga attitude. These
people have not realized that enlightenment has nothing to do with doing. It has everything to do with
understanding.
Suresh: They
(vasana-inspired states) just disappear as the day goes by or as they
came. People have used mantras to turn
away from such distractions, or even singing to sing away the blues (I like the
latter!). I have observed them and let
them go like clouds. Yet the point is
given that if one is Self all pervading, limitless and
complete then no object will arise such as these states or vrittis since they
are movement of mind.
Ram: This is incorrect. The mind is the Self in motion. That is all.
It is not some enemy to the Self.
It is not something other than the Self.
Only for the purpose of discrimination is one asked to separate the
unchanging Self from the changing Self.
When you know which is which you will not invest yourself in what
changes and think that it will produce lasting happiness. You will just let it be.
Suresh: I have even
heard that it is not possible for anything in the entire universe to cease
activity, this was quoted from the Bhagavad Gita, everything
is happening and so are you.
Ram: This is absolutely correct. The universe is in a state of constant
flux. The Gita is right. It calls it the kshara purusha in the
Fifteenth Chapter. It is just common
sense. There is a self that is free from
activity too. The Gita calls this the
akshara purusha, the unchanging Self.
There is nothing that is to be done about either. It is something to be realized or
understood. Enlightenment is simply the
hard and fast knowledge that my primary identity is unchanging and that this
self has the power to change, or apparently change.
The Gita also talks about
another self in the seventeenth verse of the fifteenth chapter. It calls it the Paramatma. It is the awareness of the changing self and
the unchanging self. The movement from
the changing to the changeless and then beyond is not a physical or
experiential movement. It is a movement in
understanding or realization. It comes
when one inquires deeply into the both the changing and unchanging selves. Both the changing and unchanging selves are
the Parmamatma but the Paramatma is neither the changing nor the unchanging
Self. If there is any evolution of
consciousness it is the movement in identity from the changing to the
changeless to the awareness of both.
Samsaris or agnanis are people who think that they are changing. They have identified with the body/mind
entity. Jnani’s
have dropped this identification and have identified with the unchanging
Self. They have freedom from
change. The final realization frees one
from both. The ‘experience’ of the
Paramatma ‘state’ is “I am that which illumines both the changing and the
unchanging.”
Suresh: It seems
that the more I hear all about refining and polishing that I get the impression
that one has to cultivate the experience of Self to such a degree that vasana
will never arise again.
Ram: This is not right. How can you ‘cultivate the experience of the
Self?’ You are the self. There is nothing to cultivate. If this is a non-dual reality any and all
experience is the Self. ‘The Self’ is
not an experience unlike every other.
Brushing the teeth is the Self experiencing the Self. Who is going to cultivate this? This would mean that there is some sort of
doer working on his or her experience to achieve a certain end. But in a non-dual reality there are not two
selves. There is only one Self with
apparent knowledge and apparent ignorance.
It is simply ignorance to say that one can cultivate the experience of
the Self. It is also ignorance to see
the vasanas as something other than the Self.
They are not opposed to the Self.
How can anything be opposed to the Self in a non-dual reality? It is not possible.
Suresh: Until then
you are an ordinary man/woman animal with a conditioning that makes you act,
behave and be the way how you are with all your tamasic, rajasic or sattvic
qualities and until you are free of them or until you physically die you are
not pure or free.
Ram: There are no men or women or animals. These are just concepts. You are only the Self and the Self is already
free. Freedom is not something you can
gain by doing. Freedom is a complete
myth because you are not bound in the first place. These people take themselves to be unrefined,
ignorant, and bound and then set out to free themselves. How is this possible? If they want freedom they have to get free of
the notion that they are bound in the first place.
Suresh: Now
this will sound like a report of experience but I have to say it all because it
follows up from this whole thing about vasanas.
Do you recall the time when I visited your satsang on Shesha Bhavan a couple of seasons
ago?
Ram: Yes. I remember it well.
Suresh: We talked
about this expansive quality which gave me the feeling of being outside of
everything, out of the senses. I was
saying that Arunachala is in ME. That
this body of Suresh is in ME. That you are in ME. All is in ME. It came with a stunningly alive
and electric feeling. After, I also told
you that this experience was expansive and contracting and that it gave me a
sense of little self since it was moving beyond and shrinking when ever there
was some need to move the body or undertake some work, I could also see that it
was all happening in Awareness/Me.
Ram: Yes.
This is the natural state. This
is the view from the Self. This is you
as the Self, as awareness.
Suresh: This gave
some confusion and you stated that this was a subtle thought or vritti called Anantakarra Vritti, symbolic in the deities when they had
four arms.
Ram: It is called the ‘akandakara
vritti’ the unbroken ‘I am’ thought. I
don’t know how the deities with four arms worked into the discussion. You can forget the deities with four
arms. The diety
represents the Self and the four arms represent the antakarana, the subtle and
causal bodies, but this teaching is for a different purpose.
Suresh: It is a
continuous subtle thought. You said if I
continue to look at this expansive clear transparent open space that it would
lead to realization
Ram: The thought is continuous because you,
awareness, is unchanging. I said that
if you keep your attention on this clear transparent space, if you investigate
it…which is what Ramana calls Self inquiry…at some point you will understand
that it is you, awareness.
Suresh: and that the
"bubble was ready to burst."
Ram: I meant your ignorance, sense of duality, was
about to disappear.
Suresh: Remaining in
this Atmanishta sounds like deepening or cultivating
the experience of no experience. Which
is contrary to what I have heard you say, since all is Self and there is no
need to deepen.
Ram: Yes, this seems like a contradiction. I don’t think I would have used the word
‘deepen.’ It is highly unlikely. Because there is no
deepening. There is only understanding.
If you don’t know what a mountain is and somebody puts you in front of a
mountain and asks if you see it and you say yes and the person says ‘That is a
mountain’ it instantly becomes hard and fast knowledge. There is not shallow mountain knowledge. There is no deep mountain knowledge. There is only knowledge. So when your mind is fixed on the Atma,
awareness, and you see that it is you, there is nothing more to do. You are ‘finished.’
Suresh: Recently
at some point in Tiru I gave up on this Saguna
Samadhi experience of expansive, all reaching ,all
encompassing whatever. I realised that I
was attempting to define what it was and the more I wanted to define it, it
seemed that the more I was fragmenting it into a Self without qualities and a
self with qualities.
Ram: The problem here is seeing things in terms of
experience. The experience was of the
clear expansive all encompassing awareness.
But there is nothing to say about it.
Just like the mountain in the previous illustration. You just see it. What needs to happen is that you need to
identify it as you. In fact you have
already defined it. The Upanishads have
defined it perfectly, in case anybody wants to know what it is.
Suresh: It looked
like a separation was being entertained, so I just let the feeling of being in
the body be as it was. All it takes is
for me to feel this expansiveness and I begin to have an open vacant gaze where
there is no mind, still aware that the expansiveness is in awareness,
Ram: This correct.
The expansiveness is in awareness.
Suresh: In fact it
is so fine that it is revealing no object at all, therefore no
body, no time.
Ram: Yes, no body and no time exist in
awareness. This can be taken in two
ways. In awareness itself
there is no body and no mind. And
secondly, the body and mind appear within the scope of awareness.
Suresh: Now it
doesn't matter if I go into this or not.
Ram: Anyone who is going or coming is not
you. Who is going into this state? Is that you or are you the awareness of ‘the I going into this?’
Suresh: But there is
always movement in daily life in doing where spaciousness is not there, yet
Awareness is vaguely in the background.
I have no problem accepting coming or going.
Ram: All that’s left is
for you to say, ‘I’ am vaguely in the background.’ You are still presenting awareness as an
object. Awareness is the ‘I’. There is nobody else who is aware of
awareness. Awareness is aware of
awareness. It is self aware. It requires no mirror. Do you need the help of a mirror to know that
you have eyes? When
you drop that person, that’s the end of the whole spiritual business.
Suresh: This
question of vasanas happens because without Self I wouldn't be experiencing
these tendencies, and since they arise of their own accord there is an
understanding that can come up; an insight.
Maybe this gives them less power and makes room for open clarity to be
as it is. I hope this is not too confusing for you.
Suresh: No, it is
confusing for you. You are so close it
is amazing. There are just a few subtle
points that need to be cleared up in your understanding. You are still not thinking completely from
the Self’s point of view. There is some
identification with duality.
OK. Let’s take the first statement. “This question of vasanas happens because
without Self I wouldn’t be experiencing these tendencies.” This is correct. So far so good. But then you say ‘since they arise of their
own accord an insight can come up.’ To
whom is this insight occurring? Is it
occurring to the Self? No. The Self already knows what a vasana is and
that it is not a problem so it is completely uninterested in knowing anything
about the vasanas. Then you say, “Maybe
this gives them less power and makes room for open clarity to be as it
is.” What does it mean to say “make
room for open clarity to be as it is?’ This does not make any sense. You have the Self
shining on the vasanas. It is ‘open
clarity.’ It is the knower of the
vasana. Who is going to ‘make room’ for
this to happen? And the vasanas have no
effect on the Self so they can be as powerful as they want and the Self is not
bothered. All I can conclude is that
there is somebody there who wants to have clarity about the vasanas and also
render them powerless. So who is that
somebody? It is not somebody. It is just a lack of understanding.
Suresh: It is a fine
point since I feel I am clear about Self Myself but
about this vasana thing I am slightly shaded.
Maybe it is accurate to say that you cannot remove a vasana in order to
become free (Annamalai Swami says it is a vasana!)
Ram: He’s right.
Chipping away at a vasana is just another vasana. This whole vasana exhaustion business is for
doers. The Self is not a doer. If you are the Self you do not care one damn
bit what the vasanas are or if they even exist.
You see them and you know they are just awareness in motion with no
power to bind.
Suresh: but that you
can see a vasana and have an insight as to why it is that way and it will chip
away the weight of the tendency, which is probably the summary of so many
words! But I am reminded of your
disagreement with the sattvic yogis about enlightenment being after removal of
vasanas.
Ram: You can get
enlightenment after vasanas are removed.
It is quite possible. But it is
not necessary to remove all the vasanas to get enlightenment. You need to remove enough identification with
the vasanas so that the mind is capable of thinking clearly, what Ramana calls
making an inquiry, but you do not need to get rid of every vasana. If you want to get rid of vasanas then the
best way is through knowledge.
First it means that the knowledge born of trying to get lasting
happiness through satisfaction of the vasanas will purify the vasanas. What is that knowledge? That you cannot get lasting
happiness from getting what you want and avoiding what you don’t. When you realize this you quit trying to
satisfy your vasanas and they just wither and die. Then you become dispassionate and are
qualified for enlightenment. If
residual vasanas are there you are not bothered by them.
On the other hand it means the knowledge “I am actionless,
ordinary awareness” destroys the vasanas.
If you are whole and complete then what will you want? If you are indestructible, then what will you
fear? Wants and fears just symbolize all
the vasanas. It is a very simple thing.
Of course those who think of themselves as embodied limited
entities are always afraid of the vasanas because the vasanas seem to take away
their freedom.
Suresh: So
I will look forward to showing your response over a pint of Guinesss
Stout beer in the local pub with my friend Carl ! Cheers ! Here’s to smoking , drinking and carousing!
Ram: Long live the vasanas!
Love,
Your Bhogi
Self Sureshji.