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Who Knows the Is-ness?
Samantha: I am going through something I can’t formulate into words. I can’t conceptualise the experience or me.
Sundari: Who is the “I” that is going “though something, can’t formulate into words or conceptualise the experience”? Who is “me”?
If by “me” you mean awareness, then awareness, or the self, never goes through anything, it does not formulate words, because it does not think and it does not experience. It is the non-experiencing witness of the “you” or the “I” that you are identified with, which has a name and body and a story. Awareness is your true nature, it is not a concept or experience, because both of those are objects known to you, as is the “person” called Samantha. You are that which knows Samantha, what she is “going through” and what she experiences.
You are having an experience of your true nature, but it is an experience. All experiences happen in time and therefore end; they are not real in terms of what Vedanta calls real. “Real” is “that which is always present and never changes.” The knowledge that this epiphany or experience contains is what you are after. And that is “I am whole and complete, non-dual actionless, ordinary, unchanging, ever-present awareness.” To actualise that knowledge you need self-inquiry, a spiritual practice to make the knowledge firm and to understand what it means.
Samantha: It is beautiful and ugly (but beauty and ugliness don’t exist and do).
Sundari: You are right, “beauty” and “ugly” are just concepts known to you, awareness. They are not real.
Samantha: It is a journey, but the first step is the last step and every other step in between.
Sundari: It is a journey that is not a journey. It is the discovery that you are what you are looking for and there is nowhere to get to because there is nowhere that you are not.
Samantha: I don’t think I am enlightened. “Enlightenment” doesn’t exist and I am is-ness, not enlightenment.
Sundari: Yes. If you thought you were enlightened, who would be that is thinking that? No one who understands what it means to be enlightened would make that claim, and if they did they would not “be” enlightened, because only the ego speaks like that. Awareness, the self, (you, or “is-ness”), is self-aware and needs nothing to know itself. “Enlightenment” is simply the discovery that you are that which knows the light, the light that makes the light knowable.
Samantha: I stand still, watching the star explode and the scraps of who I thought I was floats around me. That I am and am not, me. I am all and nothing. I am.
Sundari: Who is the “I am”? Discriminating the self from the not-self, or the “small” I, from the “I am” is what self-inquiry is about.
~ Om and prem, Sundari