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A Radical Way
I was so happy to know you are feeling better.
In your mail below there was a sentence that took a month of contemplation to even reply to, to say thank you!
Ramji: That Patrick “I” will never be free. It is an apparent “I,” dependent in every way on Isvara/maya. But you are free, meaning if you know that “you” will never be free you can only be free.
Patrick: There are one or two deep insecurites which I have felt helpless most of my life to even discern properly, let alone deal with. Only in seemingly random moments have I been free of them, and not through any of my own doing.
With your sentence it was like “pow!” – suddenly I was at the dentist’s – I knew the pain was coming but if I interfered with the man’s work it would get worse or just continue. That’s what the last five weeks were like.
Instead of overlaying another thing on top (knowing full well it would crumble later) the admission came that all those efforts actually had changed nothing, we are talking years – decades, even – those things that caused so much grief begin to lose their hold now when “I do nothing about them” – it seems like a complete paradox but I know this is the only way left.
Vedanta works, it is “raw” but compassionate – and I am eternally grateful. Were it not so I would be swimming in fog, thinking I am going somewhere over time but in reality standing going nowhere, with everything just waiting. Thank you.
Ramji: Lovely to hear form you. Vedanta is obviously doing its job thanks to your dedication. Yes, there is no way to “fix” anything, apart from standing fast as awareness. When you leave Patrick alone the issues that have bedeviled him throughout his life unwind. It is difficult owing to conditioning but it is the only way – “radical,” to use your words.
~ Much love, Ramji