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A Stupid Chi Master
Seeker: Ramji, hello! I have been following your webinars, reading your book and watching your videos. I waited to write to you until I understood, somewhat.
I’ve been a seeker all my life, but I did not know what I was seeking until the past few years. My journey really began when a Buddhist friend of mine bought me some reiki. To receive this reiki, I had to lie down for an hour and “allow” it to happen to me. I didn’t believe in reiki or ESP or psychic abilities or any of that hogwash. HA!
What I noticed was all kinds of feelings in my body, strange energy, like feelings that I assumed were coming from the reiki master. These sensations encouraged me to meditate. I quickly began to have experiences that were beyond anything I knew previously, so I started to read trying to figure out what these experiences were and what they meant.
All these things came quite easily to me, I did not have to “try” much at all, and things would just fall into place. I never had any training, I didn’t know how to mediate, never read a book on it, I just dove right in. I found Ramana, Prior to Consciousness and a lot of the other people and books you have mentioned. Although they gave me some insight, they didn’t to me much real good.
The one time I was meditating, I had energy rise up from my big toes, up through my whole body to my head where it shot out of my forehead, the same place a unicorn has its horn. After that, I was in bliss for a month. I think I may have been the self. It felt so natural! Then one day it was gone.
Another experience I had meditating, I felt this huge energy feeling. I thought my legs were running like in cartoons when their legs go really fast like fan blades. I think then that I shot out of my body and there was nothing. Absolutely, completely nothing! I ran down the list of things… I couldn’t see, hear, feel heat or cold, breathe… nothing. I immediately looked around for God, thinking I finally was here, so God must be here! But I found nothing. My next thought was, “Holy crap, I must be God!” With that thought, I became an atheist. I despaired for a while about that.
Another time I was meditating in bed, my husband came to bed. Not long after that he was fast asleep. I became his lungs somehow. I had no body, but I felt like I was a HUGE bag that inflated and deflated and I rode it for a long time. It was very serene. No real thoughts, just peace and breath.
Another time I was meditating in bed and I felt the energy movements like my legs were turning like a fan again. Then I felt like I shot out of my body. I was nowhere again. But this time I could hear my husband snoring. He has a hell of a snore! Many times I have meditated on his snoring when I could not sleep because of his snores! Anyway, I was nowhere, and I tried to see the silver cord they always say connects you to your body, but I saw nothing. I tried my senses, I saw nothing, smelled nothing, could not feel myself breathing… but yet I heard his snores.
Then I had this thing happen which is almost indescribable. I was in my body, it was asleep, but I moved my hand and opened my eye. Then I was back to the nothing. Next, I went into the dream I was having, but I knew I was dreaming. It was like I could enter my body or the dream at will, yet I was still in the nothing. It was like I was all three at once, it just depended on focus. I had the feeling that all three of these states were simultaneous.
I’ve had many strange experiences, but none of them seemed to help me. All of them encouraged me onward though. When I first started to meditate, I began to feel a buzzing in my feet. Pretty soon I felt the buzzing in my feet from just lying down. It progressed to where I feel it all the time now, 24/7. At first it scared me; I wished it to go away.
After a year or so of buzzing and weird energy flowing around in my body, I found acupuncture meridian charts. The energy I feel seems to be chi, and it follows these charts. I have felt other energy, and energy outside my body and all kinds of strange things. But for the most part, I believe I feel chi. That was when I started to get hot flashes.
Also, back before any of this happened, I had a time where I hated the neighbors because every little noise they made I felt. Noises, even the smallest ones, startled me badly. It took me a few years to realize this was some kind of ability, and not just noisy neighbors. I had a Buddhist tell me he had the same thing after he meditated and that it was a blessing! It felt like a curse to me. At night, when I tried to sleep, every little noise would literally ring me like a bell. It was hard to get to sleep. I had to learn to meditate myself to sleep.
This hearing thing too deepened, and I began to see and feel sounds when I was meditating. I began to become one with sounds – even when I was not meditating – the fan, the dishwasher, music, water going down the drain. I stopped fighting it and let it happen. Once or twice, when I got really mad, I felt energy shooting out of my fingers and the phone and computer wouldn’t work.
That scared me a bit and I went looking for someone to help me. I found a tai chi master online who taught me to keep the chi in my belly (lower dantain). She scared the crap out of me though, saying all this foot-buzzing may be me losing my “vital chi,” or life force, like the chi was draining out of me somehow. She said it should stop at night, which it didn’t. At night it only gets louder! She said I would die at an early age if I didn’t learn to control this. So she had me practice putting it in my belly before bedtime to counteract this bleeding. One night when I was half in and half out of sleep I realized I could just instantly move this chi feeling to anywhere in my body. When I told the master, she said not to do this! Instead she wanted me to practice these long, slow, dull visualizations and learn slowly over many years. I began to feel this other sensation around this same time, like a second heartbeat, and hot flashes. The hot flashes go so bad at one point that my body was riddled with heat rashes and scabs on scabs from heat rashes that kind of healed, but not really, and then broke out on top of the old unhealed spots. This was hell. I have not worn pants in over two years now. I wore shorts all winter long.
In the past few years I have quit coffee and cigarettes and I have learned to eat sattvically. I had been headed in this direction anyway, but I am so glad to have found you. I deeply appreciate your guidance in your DVDs, website, books and webinars. I have been devouring all of the knowledge. I have been lightening my load, so I have less to worry about, trying to live a simple life. I have been exposing myself to the teachings as much as I can.
I recently dropped some things from my life, to make life simpler. I quit tai chi instruction from the master after long consideration of it. The hot flashes got better when I stopped. When I tried to make myself go back to tai chi the heating came back! Then I started to pay attention to the heating. Some things you alluded to in the DVDs made me more aware of it. I noticed that when I began to head off in a bad direction, I immediately got a hot flash. I went to purchase something I didn’t need, hot flash! I started to get mad, hot flash! So I started being “good” and I haven’t had a hot flash in over two weeks now. WHEW! So glad not to have those!
The master also said I should not try to help people. I found that I could help heal my husband’s pain when he overdoes it working in the yard. I don’t know how I do it, but I always know where the pain is and I can kind of smack at it until it dissolves. The master told me helping anyone in this way would shorten my life.
I just want to live a simple life now and practice what you have outlined in your DVDs and webinars. I do yoga (postures) and I run a few Web stores to help pay bills. I am lucky to have lots of free time, since I do not have a regular job. I fight tamas a bit now, since I don’t have coffee or smokes, but that is okay.
Do you think it is okay to permanently drop tai chi?
Do you think I should practice something to control these energies?
Everything I read said to ignore these siddhis, not to promote them as I had been doing with tai chi.
Ramji: Very interesting story. Thanks for sharing it with me. It reads like a primer on psycho-spiritual experiences. The short answer to your question is a definite yes. Energy work is a waste of time. It gets you nowhere and tends to build up a big spiritual ego. If these things happen it is because you are developing spiritually. They are a side effect of your growth, a growing that begins in the hidden recesses of your causal body and slowly manifests in your daily experience. There is nothing wrong with them per se. In fact, as you say, they spurred you on and now have led you to self-inquiry. All due respect, but your chi master sounds like an idiot.
Obviously she has no self-knowledge and is unaware of what is actually happening with you. Messing with the chi is missing the forest for the trees. These energy workers are terribly egocentric insofar as they want to try to control something that is beyond the control of the ego. Their concept of God is energy. Energy is God, but God is not energy. You, simple ordinary awareness – which, as you know, was there observing every one of your experiences, including the experience of nothing – are beyond God and energy. It is only from the perspective of awareness that these strange experiences make sense. So when they happen, turn your attention to the one that is observing them and investigate that. That is you. If you do this they should eventually go away. Trying to control the chi in the way you are being taught is foolish. You control it by living a sattvic life. As you slowly purge the mind of the unnecessary rajas and tamas, the chi will settle down on its own. It is a matter of values and lifestyle. You are on the right path now. Live a simple healthy life and take a stand in awareness, the knower of the chi (and everything else). Let me know how things go.
~ Love, James