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A Satisfying Indescribable Sweetness
Douglas: Dear Ramji, I hold back and wait with writing to you because I don’t want to bother you needlessly (with your busy workload) and want to digest your teaching more deeply before I answer. I treasure, enjoy and appreciate this teaching very much.
Ramji: Don’t hold back, Douglas. You are one of my favorite people. Don’t worry about my workload. It has eased considerably lately with certain changes I’ve instituted.
Douglas: Many of the points you bring up in this teaching are already covered at this end. I haven’t yet donned a hair shirt and used a rubber band, thinking of it when I get pushed enough.
Ramji: It’s the least enjoyable but most effective option. ☺
Douglas: I am discovering moments when a need of women arises and see it as lack of being established in self. I have been considering the downside of such indulgence, in particular the lack of freedom resulting from it. I have been doing this consistently and the majority of the time the issue of women does not preoccupy my mind, but occasionally it does.
Ramji: That’s right. It comes when you feel incomplete. You are never incomplete. It is good understanding.
Douglas: Mary’s position of withholding sex and insisting on getting her way initially made me angry, but now I see her acting more out of insecurity and that seems to be one of main themes of her life. I did not realize this before and now have no resentment toward her.
Ramji: I think that is correct. Why does she not think you love her?
Douglas: I am still waiting to see how to deal with her but am leaning toward giving her what she wants, a not-too-expensive ring, and then seeing what she will do with it. Either way will be okay. If she settles down, we could have a relationship. If she keeps up various demands then that will be a clear sign to continue on my separate way. I told her clearly that my priority is spiritual and not setting up marriage, a house, etc. So far she agrees to see a ring as a sign of commitment and not “engagement.”
Ramji: That sounds quite mature, Douglas. As long as she knows the score and the ring is not hopelessly expensive it’s worth a try. I think they are honor-bound to return the ring if it doesn’t work out. :-) At least, that is what several of my women friends did, including one who gave back a $50,000 ring!
I think she will continue with the demands because the cause of her insecurity is not the lack of a relationship with a man. It is caused by a lack of self-confidence which is in turn caused by a lack of self-knowledge. She does not feel okay in herself. But let’s see what happens. Good plan.
Douglas: I’m also checking on breaking my lease but waiting for more info. When that works out, I will deal with Mary.
Ramji: Good. This is the way forward spiritually. You need to live in such a way that karma does not stick to you. And when you wake up with some sticky karma, you need to unstick it if you want to be happy.
Douglas: I am sorry to report that Swami Dayananda has not been feeling well (discharged from hospital yesterday, I believe) and is not going to do the teachings that were scheduled this week.
Ramji: Yes, it is a shame. But it is amazing that he is still alive. He has given above and beyond the call of duty for his whole life. He is a great man, yet as the Bhagavad Gita says, the wise grieve neither for the dead or for the living.
Douglas: Recently I’ve had a very clear experience/realization of how subtle the self is. In the middle of thinking about Mary, her demands and my agitated mind, I noticed this subtle context, so sweet and so independent of my mind and outer circumstances. I realized that it is the underlying basis of all experience regardless of whether they are pleasurable or painful, and I realized that its sweetness is beyond description and so satisfying. And intimate and close. A wonderful gift.
Ramji: Yes, indeed. You are blessed, Douglas. That sweetness is you. This is what Mary needs to discover.
Douglas: You are with me all the time. I hope you will have a little time to rest now and have fun.
~ Much love, Douglas
Ramji: If you can keep a secret I will tell you something special, but you have to promise to keep it between you and me – for now. And if you spill the beans, I breaka you legs!
~ Love, Ramji