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Thousands of Ego Deaths to Look Forward To
Lucile: Dear Ramji, I can’t thank you enough for your support!!!
After reading your email I had what you might call ego death: crying, deep exhalations, stating over and over, “I am unlimited, ordinary, actionless awareness,” stillness, beautiful stillness and silence not opposed to thought. This time feelings were played through.
May I write you now and then? I know you are crazy busy. Thank you, thank you, dearest Ramji!!!
~ With much love, Lucile
Ram: Dear Lucile, of course you can write. Don’t worry about my workload. I presume that the distinction I made for you about your identity produced this “ego death.” One thing you should know is that you will have to destroy the idea that you are the experiencing entity, the ego, over and over. You have thousands of ego deaths to look forward to. Don’t be in a hurry, be gentle with it, but kill it when you are suffering and when you are happy too, until your discrimination is perfect.
Freedom is not getting rid of the ego, because the ego does not limit you, awareness. Freedom is understanding what the ego is and what you are. When you repeat “I am awareness,” etc. it is important to know what that means and to know that you, awareness, are beyond happiness too. If you do not contemplate it and repeat it without understanding, the ego will co-opt the meaning and you will have an enlightened ego on your hands. It is a trap almost impossible to escape. Most of the so-called enlightened people these days are caught in it. They think they are “enlightened” when in fact they are the “light,” meaning awareness. There is a world of difference. The ego can and will die many times, meaning that the ignorance that brings it into being is hardwired, clever and resilient. So as you enjoy your newfound sense of freedom stay alert to your thinking. Monitor it closely, looking for the “I.” Always ask, “Which ‘I’ am I?” Am I the experiencing I or am I the light in which the experiencer is known?
~ Much love, Ram