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Sex or Spirituality
Cathy: Hi, Ram. I wanted to share something with you. I am watching your Self Realization DVDs, and you were talking how to let go of desires as they come up. Well, I was telling you about my friend Sharon in my last email. There is this Spanish movie I have been “wanting” to see and I had every intention of going to see it. Well, it is now showing and I thought of ringing Sharon to see if she wanted to come with me. But you were saying about what I call “right thinking” and it is one of the only things that has always helped me. So I started “right thinking” about Sharon. She is going to want to go to coffee afterwards and then dinner and five hours later I am going to end up with a headache, and who needs that? Well, I could lie and say I have to meet someone else for dinner, but that is probably going against dharma, etc., etc.
Ram: Not necessarily. White lies are not essentially adharmic, because compassion trumps honesty. You do not hurt her feelings that way and you do not injure yourself by subjecting yourself to a lot of idle, narcissistic chatter.
Cathy: I should probably go by myself. And then: great revelation, I went to the core of the so-called problem. Why do I want to see this movie? Well, Spanish movies are always funny, yes, okay, but I also know they are sexy and this is the reason why I want to see it. The problem with that is then I have all these added pictures in my head which are not conducive to a non-agitated mind necessary for self-enquiry. I mean, I already have enough pictures in my mind, do I need to add some more? Conclusion: no, it would be a lot more productive to stay home and watch another one of these DVDs, that is, if I am serious about my wish to be free (or in other words, to realise I am free). So very helpful DVDs, Ram, thank you.
Ram: That’s very excellent, not because there is anything unspiritual about sex, but because feeding your sex vasana only results in more emotional agitation. In this case you exhausted a sex vasana rather than reinforcing one. If you are really serious about your spirituality, you will be happy to let go of vasanas. It is also excellent because you are doing it with understanding. I think your decision to write off your family was good too. Maybe after ten years and all kinds of emotional turmoil you could heal your relationship with them, but so what? It is better to write off this kind of thing and go for something positive. Keep up the good work. And I would be interested to hear John’s reaction when and if you tell him that if he saw you as the self, he would not find fault with you. ☺ That should shut him up.
Right. How are you going to recognize awareness as yourself if your mind is forever agitated? A peaceful mind is the means for liberation.