Search & Read
Can I Keep My Relationship and Rely on Consciousness?
Cathy: Dear Ram, I have hesitated for a few days before I sent you this email because everything is going so well. It sounds strange, I know, but what I mean is everything is going so well with John. You may or may not have heard we are back together again as a couple.
We went to visit a Hindu priest friend of ours and I was talking to him about husband and wife duties, and he said that couples should have contracts before they enter into marriage so they each know exactly what to expect from each other. The idea sounded really appealing to me, so John and I made a contract, and voila!
But this is not what I wanted to talk to you about. My question has to do with my spiritual life. It seems to be suffering since John and I started seeing each other. In one way it is good because I can work with the vasanas that keep coming up, but in the other I find that when I am by myself I seem to dedicate myself more to my spiritual life. Is this a common occurrence amongst your other women students or is it just me?
Ram: It is a common human problem, Cathy. It is not gender-specific. If John is one thing and your spiritual life is another, then it is only common sense that when you are paying attention to John you are not paying attention to your spiritual life. It logical to assume if you could somehow see John as your own self – no contracts necessary in this case – then the time you spend with John would count as spiritual life. Spirituality is not what you are doing in the world, your relationships, etc. – they can be anything – it is the way you see things.
Cathy: True, we have been seeing each other quite often and this will drop to Saturday night to Sunday afternoon and maybe one other night during the week, so maybe things will settle down, but I have a feeling that I am somehow fooling myself. So what is going on here? I guess you will say that when John is in my life I depend on him, and when he is not I depend on consciousness. True, this seems to be the case. So how can I turn this round? I mean, keep John but rely on consciousness? I guess by remembering that John is consciousness, right? Sorry, I am just pondering this whilst I am writing that consciousness is all there is after all, but John seems to be but is actually consciousness. So when I am with him, I am with consciousness (this would apply whether he was there or not, I guess), but more importantly, I need to work with this idea when I am with him so I can weaken this dependency I have on other people and go directly to the source. Is this right?
Ram: Good for you, Cathy. Got it in one. You’re getting pretty sharp with the Vedanta. Too bad you didn’t put this paragraph first. It would have saved Ramji writing the first paragraph. ☺