Search & Read
Rachael: Hi, Ram. I am reading your book (slowly!) and can’t seem to comprehend the section that I extracted below. I understand that we dupe ourselves into thinking that the object is making us happy by fulfilling our desires or allaying our fears when it is really that the removal of our fears and desires prompted by, or so we think, the acquisition of the object that allows our true nature to be expressed – but I don’t get what you mean exactly by the “switch” thing.
“Why does the love dry up? Because the idea that it was coming from the object acted like a switch and closed the door between the desirer and the desirer’s true nature.”
Do you mean that because the person realizes that the source of happiness is the object this stops them from realizing their true nature? I personally struggle so much at the moment with my decisions around my so-called “ex”-partner – I enjoy torturing myself about it obviously, but I am convinced that I am just not “getting” something which is preventing me from solving whatever the problem is and which keeps me in this limbo and uncomfortable place.
Anyway – I remember you said you didn’t need anyone else asking you questions. Sorry to add to your workload!
Ram: Hi, Rachael. Nice to hear from you. I meant that when your attention is on some kind of problem generated by a thought of incompleteness, it is not on your self, your true nature. The thought here is that some person other than yourself can complete you and make you happy. If you think about it a little you will see that it is not true. If it was true you would not have this ambivalence about your “ex.” It is true that you feel complete with him when you are getting what you want from him, but when you are not the sense of completeness disappears. This leads to the ambivalence. Is he the cause of my happiness or is he the cause of unhappiness? But your happiness has nothing to do with objects. This relationship problem is there because you are not clear about your ultimate goal in life. What is your life all about? Is it about emotional security? Or is it about something else? When you investigate yourself carefully and discover that you are whole and complete as you are, you will be emotionally secure for good – because the object of your love – you – is never absent. You are actually giving yourself love 24/7. You are thinking about him because your happiness is very important to you – which only goes to show that you love yourself. If you look carefully at the situation of your “ex” you will see that what is confusing you is not your “ex” per se. It is the projections – your likes and dislikes – that you make when you think about him. He is not actually anybody other than what you think about him. If you looked deeper into yourself, you could see that ultimately he is actually “you,” meaning non-separate from you, although this is not how it seems. You will see that when you are loving him, you are actually loving you! There is a confusion because you see him through your body and mind, not as he really is. I hope this has been helpful. I welcome arguments to the contrary.
~ Love, Ram