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Peter: Dear Ramji, thanks for your letters. They are not only helpful and a source of wisdom for me, they are also very inspiring. They keep me on track, encourage me, give me a chance to grow and stimulate me to take my own development seriously.
“The truth of who you are will never go away but it is nice to ‘polish the mirror’ of the mind so that it reflects your glory for the world to see.” This statement of yours encourages me a lot. First I was afraid that it (the truth of who I am) would fade away. But, no way.
At this moment I could tell you a lot. At the same time my heart is silent and peaceful and has nothing to say.
On one hand I am very excited about everything I found in India, about everything I learned from you, the great opportunity of knowing you, to be able to talk and listen to you. On the other hand I am quite satisfied that everything I need is inside me. It had to be this way. People asked me how I think about what happened to me. I feel a little that it is a great and almost unbelievable story, but I also have the feeling that it is quite normal. I was always hoping and expecting that something like this would happen all my life, so in that way it is quite normal.
I told my friends that it is as if until now I heard a story told by many successive mouths and written many times. And as the story was passing from one person to another it became distorted and wrongly interpreted. Things were pulled out of context and accented differently. It was as if the story was coming apart, falling into pieces… and everyone declared his own piece to be Holy. Now I have the feeling that I finally hear the real story, the real truth. It is like coming home.
The experiences I had are slowly (no, not slowly, it is strong, steady and it won’t let it set itself aside) getting their feet on the ground in my daily live here in New Zealand. It is amazing what happened to my inner life, my attitude to everything around me. Even the circumstances are dramatically changing in a very good way. It is like a miracle and at the same time also normal and logical.
In the beginning I was afraid that after the initial excitement I would slowly return to normal life with all its restrictions and boring difficulties. But that is not the case. At first I was aware of a little drawback, I saw it happen. But then I became aware of my inner self, never-changing and untouchable by the daily life circumstances. I also became aware of my attitude that I have no strong preference about what should happen, what people around me should do and about what I expect from them. I am just steady and strong being what I am. Even when I feel myself tackled down, I am aware of that. I don’t panic, and I know that it is not really me that is hurt. I’m still strong.
A friend wrote to me and mentioned that from my letters I seemed to be untouchable. I thought about that. I had a feeling that he was right and also that there was something missing in his analysis. Now I know. It is not that I am untouchable… I can be touched by people and things… but they don’t hurt me. Inside there is still that awareness of who I really am.
Another thing that increased is the feeling of being guided. That is not new to me. In India I had that feeling very strongly, and now I see in daily life the guidance is still there doing a miraculous job for me. And I think your letter has also something to do with it. I’ll tell you about that later.
One other thing that surprised me is that I have the feeling of seeing through things. Sometimes I hear my lips speak flowers of wisdom. And I am often astonished when I hear myself saying things that are true, basic and of a deep impact. It is of a far greater value than before, it has far more impact on people and at the same time it respects everyone. I see the place and the value of things happening to me and to others.
It is a great opportunity for me to have someone who could answer my questions, but at the moment I have no questions. The experience is settling in my life. I am enjoying it. I describe it to people like this: I no longer identify myself with the daily things in and around me, but more and more I am identifying myself with that Divine, silent, great awareness inside me. It is always there, always happy and loving everything.
For now I will stop writing because I can tell so much it will not end. I can keep on trying to describe it better, but I want to let you know how I am doing and how life is. Now you know a bit of it.
And of course I will be in Wellington when you are there. I am very pleased by the invitation and the opportunity of meeting you and the other people who will be there. It is of great interest to me. Like your letters, it gives me the feeling that I am connected to the real most important things in life.
Thanks a lot again.
~ With love and gratitude, Peter