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A Bonk on the Head
Mike: Dear Ram, what a strange, funny life this is. Lately during my meditation I am disturbed by images and films, by strange animals or creatures crawling around or dancing, or looking at me, staring at me, hanging around as if they are at home. And when I ignore them they stay! I have no influence at all, and when they leave, immediately another image pops up. Thoughts I don't want I can handle, they listen to me. Not them.
It seems I experience daily life with a kind of split personality. Me, the witness, and the guy who lives this life. My life itself didn't change when I realized I was the witness. I do my things as before, relate to people in the same way, make the same stupid and naive mistakes and look around with the same eyes. Nothing new here. The difference is, I'm not doing it. I know now by experience what “nothing ever happened” means.
And in the past weeks I'm doing things I did not initiate myself. Other people, “another me” and life itself are in charge. For example, several times I saw myself going somewhere with friends (it felt like I was dragged into it), drinking wine and smoking cigarettes! What I gave up six months ago! Back home, I bonk myself on the head. Why?
Strange, isn't it? It seems that the three points I describe here are related. What do you think, Ram?
~ With love for you and Sundari, Mike
James: Hi, Mike, I think all is good. Your experience indicates to me that you are “enlightened,” but don’t let this news go to your head. Why do I say that?
1. Because it is clear from your experience that you are not the doer, that you know that things happen on their own by the grace of Isvara. The visions in your meditation come on their own, they stay and they go when they feel like it. Things happen in the “real” world on their own. You have no will so your old vasanas act up and you find yourself partying with your friends although you gave it up before.
2. You observe the witness you and “the guy that lives this life.” This is only possible if you are awareness, the “witness of the witness.”
3. You know that life doesn't change with enlightenment, only your point of view. You now see things as awareness sees because you are awareness. Only awareness knows the witness and the jiva, Mike. I bonk myself on the head every day, you will be happy to know. Life is very strange when you know who you are. Ignorance and knowledge sit side by side and it is quite funny.
~ Love, James