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Inquiry Takes Time
Kumar: Dear Ram and Sundari, in the face of a fear or desire, I DO remind myself that “I am whole and complete, unchanging, ever-existent, actionless awareness” but then (often) comes this niggling, vasana-ridden jiva voice that superimposes an “ah, what the heck, do the expedient thing anyway” only to feel regret later. This largely occurs in three situations in my life: a huge “aversion vasana” with in-laws, reaching for that extra glass of wine and an inexplicable fear of the dark. Until two years ago, it also applied to smoking, but that seems to have finally passed (yay – or not!).
The faith and “knowledge” of all these concepts in Vedanta have been familiar for many, many years, but your systematic tying it altogether and the idea of the impossibility of experience as a methodology give me much excitement that "getting it right and being done with the seeking” is within shouting distance now.
In terms of understanding, I am quite clear on the discrimination between self and “non-self” and also the fact that “I” am not my thoughts and the stories they generate. I also understand that these particular vasanas may just require some more “elbow grease” to finally remove the ignorance. But if you could bring some clarity on that often-present jiva voice, I would be grateful.
Knowing you and Sundari are busy, I have been communicating with Ted Schmidt with my specific obstacles. He has a beautiful understanding of the teachings and has been very kind and wonderful with his pointers. I am currently reading (devouring!) your book, satsangs, and the source texts. I will continue to engage with him as I read more. Got the email regarding today’s webinar and was moved to write. Thank you for all you do, and for providing this ancient tradition in such a concise, yet contemporary manner.
~ Namaste, Kumar
Ram: Hi, Kumar. I suppose your doubt has to do with why that voice that tells you to do what is expedient should somehow not be there? It is the ego’s reaction to the knowledge. It takes a time for it to fade into irrelevance. Just keep discriminating and understand that the ego is still somewhat attached to its fears and desires – no blame. It is quite natural. I’m glad that you are in touch with Ted. He is a great teacher.
~ Om and prem, Ram