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Karen: Good morning, James. I have a question for you. I will do my best to find the words to describe the circumstances.
During the Trout Lake retreat I experienced two very profound emotional eruptions. I was deeply moved by the grace of Isvara and found myself welling with tears often. However, after an afternoon talk I was overwhelmed with tears and an incredible energetic flow through my body that caused me to find a quiet space in the forest to just sit. I was not sad, I just felt complete gratitude in a deeply absorbed state of being. As I sat I found myself awed by seeing my legs as those of a corpse. It is so hard to put words to this but I guess it was a bit like being stoned observing my surroundings through a different lens.
A day later as I lay in my tent to sleep, I was deeply moved once again to find myself writhing about in tears, my face ready to explode as the words “I am the knower of this beautiful creation” came tripping out of my mouth. I chalked these experiences up to the brilliant love alive within this body; however, I wonder what it is, as I continue to have them.
As of late I have experienced very powerful energetic urges in my solar plexus that cause my body to tense up, push and growl as if I am birthing something!!! It is again often associated with profound moments of love and appreciation for being a part of this amazing creation.
James, I cannot believe how intensely beautiful life is when you understand how it works but I am curious about what is happening with the jiva.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
James: Lovely to hear from you. Not to worry. The knowledge of who you are awakened the shakti. It is transforming some deep emotional samskaras hidden in the causal body into bhakti, pure devotion for your self. It is often called kundalini shakti and produces symptoms like the ones you describe. They are called kriyas. It means that you have heard the knowledge and it has begun to work purifying your mind. I don’t like to use the word kundalini because of all the foolish notions people have about it. These experiences are much coveted by certain people following rajasic shakti sadhanas and are made out to be evidence of the attainment of some kind of desirable spiritual state. They should not be coveted or cultivated. They should be taken as prasad, a gift from Isvara. I know they are weird but you should not worry. Many people who have them think that they are enough and give up their spiritual work but you should continue always to discriminate, knowing that they are objects appearing in you and that you are not them.
One more thing, Karen. The “corpse” legs means that you were seeing the body as the self sees it – as a corpse.
Karen: This is such a fascinating journey home! I am increasingly intrigued and humbled by this incredible intelligence – Isvara! I appreciate the reminder to discriminate these experiences also. I did do this on one account and sensed a resistance; it was at this moment that I understood how powerfully seductive this intense bliss “experience” can be. As for the weirdness, I have been fortunate to be alone when these intense bursts arise! I thank you for your counsel, my sadhana continues.
With great love, I smile for you.