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Are You Stuck If You Know You Are Stuck?
Dawn: Dearest Ramji, hello, and I am so happy to see how popular you and the teachings are becoming! The momentum and energy are just wonderful!
I felt moved to write to let you know that I’ve finally kicked the relationship addiction! It is firm! Can you believe it?! Thanks to the subtleties of your personal guidance, I no longer feel that I need anyone (object) in order to feel loved, good enough, etc. and am not pining for anyone or anything. Am perfectly okay with if it comes, it comes, if not that’s okay too… being perfectly aware that it can sometimes be a matter of “be careful what you wish for!” And “upsides and downsides”! So I’m increasingly content with whatever is going on as it is. I am just the one watching it all anyway, and know that nothing needs to be added to or taken away from that.
At the same time, I am enjoying much more fun and fulfilling relationships with friends who I want to spend time with and want to spend time with me. This is because I finally feel okay with myself, as I am, and am not putting every little move under the lens of a microscope! I am free to just play and be myself, and so are they. I have worked through quite a bit of conditioning. I feel very relaxed and relatively agitation-free.
I say “relatively” because now I am experiencing a bit of agitation around the area of “right livelihood.” The one experiencing enjoys her job and what she does quite a bit, and would like to continue to keep learning and staying involved in this. She can only do so much, however, because it is physically strenuous, and dealing very closely with the public. She is limited with how much money she can make, which is not much under the current circumstances. She works for a company. It could be possible to switch it up a bit into therapies that are not as strenuous, but she has not been able to figure out what to do in that regard, doesn’t really want to write a book or become a counselor/coach.
She would rather not be self-employed. She tried that, and it’s not really for her. She would like to be able to provide for herself better, be able to save a little money for a rainy day, a little travel, etc. She likes the idea of immersing herself in artwork, painting, mixed media, for her own enjoyment, but has never wanted to do that as a main means of support or as a dedicated business, because she wants to create what she wants, when she wants, not turn it into a compromised situation. This is important to her and why she didn’t become a graphic designer.
Okay, so she has also worked with animals, and has an affinity for them. So now she is entertaining the notion of going to school for the credential to work as a veterinary technician. She would have to get a student loan and all that, and the course would last about 18 months. She would enjoy working with people and animals again in a way where she could support herself better. Significant job growth in this field is projected through 2020 at least, so she feels pretty secure about being able to get a job.
It’s definitely a commitment to get into this program. The agitation seems to stem from a wondering if that is the best thing for her to do next. I do not think the agitation means that this is not necessarily the right thing for her to do next, I think it is more that she feels she is living more like the grasshopper when she should be living a little more like the ant. The issue is that this wondering has been going on for a long, long time, and it seems like something’s gotta give, as if maybe she is avoiding taking care of things.
Ramji, would you be willing to give me your view of this situation? I seem to be stuck here.
~ Much love, Dawn
Ram: Hi, Dawn. Lovely to hear from you! You are one of my favorite people. I am so glad that you have assimilated the teachings, licked the relationship vasana and that life is sliding along as if on greased wheels. Things here are “cooking,” as you can see. It is amazing how Vedanta is transforming lives the world over. We are off at the end of the week to look for a place to settle in Northern New Mexico. Life is grand!
Okay, now to your conundrum. This is a doership issue. You think you are the doer. This kind of conflict is a result of the fact that life is a zero-sum game. You will gain certain things and lose certain things by staying as you are and also by changing your circumstances. So you have to weigh the factors and see if the apparent upsides seem to outweigh the apparent downsides. Or you can just dismiss the thought and let things be. If this is not possible then you will have to make a choice. Personally, I can’t see how your stated goal is worth the effort – but then I am comfortable with poverty and I have traveled more than enough. However, if you have energy to burn, since you are no longer investing it in relationships, you might give the vet thing a try. Again, personally I wouldn’t act on such a vague impulse as, for example, saving for a rainy day or travel. I would take the dithering as a sign not to choose anything. I would wait until it was very clear what Isvara wants before I committed a lot of time and resources to anything.
Finally, if you know that you are stuck, are you stuck? Obviously Dawn is stuck, but what about you?
~ Much love, Ramji