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Relationship Love and Self-Esteem
Terry: As my guru says, “Isvara can be a real motherf@#ker!” ☺ Speaking of the love issue, it really is amazing the lengths Isvara will go to to mess with the jiva in order to trigger vasanas and bring about deeper recognition of truth.
Of course as real and as “high-definition” as all of this appears to be to jiva, it’s ultimately not real. I am not my jiva and my life stories are certainly not me. It’s all just Isvara’s play. I am the ordinary awareness in the background.
This as yet “indirect knowledge” has been enormously helpful through some recent tough times I’ve been through, including this one. I had a good long conversation with a ShiningWorld teacher, Christian Leeby, about all this today and it was super helpful. He’s a good friend and a good teacher.
Thank you once again for the incredibly valuable work you do for us jivas out here. I’m very grateful!
James: Yes, indeed, Isvara can be a real pill! One should never seek relationships. Stick to your sadhana and if Isvara brings love take it as prasad and it will work. Self-contained people like Sally don’t like the idea of modifying to the needs of others. Need creates a power imbalance and love can’t flower without equality. These situations are meant for understanding. You came through with flying colors – good for you!
Terry: Thank you very much for your insight. I can’t say it was much fun to read and take in, but it felt right on the money, and ultimately, the truth is healing.
I became needy and insecure with her. The more she rejected me the more I wanted her. I thought if I could just get her to see the real “me” she’d open up. Ironically, the more I tried to convince her, the less attractive I became. As you’ve said, it created a power imbalance.
Hopefully, I’ve learned what I’ve needed to learn from this escapade and that I will never go through anything like this again. It was bloody painful.
My poor jiva! I SO want to be free now! I appreciate your engaging with me on such a mundane level. It truly has been helpful. Now I will focus on my sadhana.
See you in Amsterdam!
James: Thanks for this email. I always hate to share my insights, which in this case is just common sense, although common sense is not always readily available when strong desires are operating, for fear that they will cause emotional pain. Of course there is nothing “wrong” with wanting to be loved – it’s totally “natural” – but for someone seeking moksa, the longing for love is grist for the inquiry mill insofar as life does not owe us love, because love is our nature. So the question always is why. “What will a relationship do for me? Will it solve the self-love issue? Is it reasonable to assume that relationship love is not subject to the same vicissitudes that every relationship suffers?” It is one of the most stubborn vasanas to eradicate. But an emotionally independent person is terribly attractive and such people have endless opportunities for love relationships. So it is something so work on, not for that reason, needless to say, but because the longing itself is painful and hides the joy that is one’s nature. When the desire arises you should confront it with inquiry, not take it to be real. Ask yourself the hard questions. You will admire yourself and your self-confidence will grow.
~ Much love, James