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Broken Heart and the Self
Leanne: Dear Sundari, so good to hear from you. I’ve been watching the South African 2014 videos. Oh, my God. For some reason I’m hearing more clearly. I remember saying to James at Trout Lake last year, what a relief these teachings provide for me. I am moving along in my experience of this life I’ve been given and there is no need to worry about my emotions or the events that happen – both intense and not – and it all will pass in due time, but I will never pass since I know that concept isn’t possible. I realize Patrick’s life and his death are objects of my mind, but they don’t really represent him or me or Paul. I miss him but I don’t miss him. I remember how much I loved him, how he loved me and Paul, how much we gave of ourselves to each other, and how miserable he appeared in the last year of his life here. I do feel that my heart has been broken wide open… more room now… thank you for that statement.
~ Love to you both from both of us, Leanne, XO
Sundari: The way you describe yourself as awareness observing the mind and its modifications is wonderful. I am so very happy for you that self-knowledge is working for you, really working. It’s one thing knowing you are awareness but another thing to live as awareness, 24/7. It is such a relief to know that you are no longer defined by the jiva’s likes and dislikes nor conditioned by what it feels and thinks. And it’s okay for the thoughts and feelings to come and go. You are there, always observing, untouched, as you say. Nonetheless, it is so much harder to practise this when the feelings are so big they can easily swallow “you” in one bite – and the thoughts so all-consuming there is no escape from them, or so it appears to the self under the spell of ignorance. It is also so hard to consign such feelings to ignorance because they seem to be the only link the jiva has to what it thinks it has lost. The truth of the matter though is that the love you and Paul had for your son has not changed and never will. His presence or absence does not have the power to change the love, because it is you; he is your own true self. He will always be with you. The longing to hold and touch the physical body will one day fade and so will the pain associated with the apparent loss. But your love will never fade. We are who we love.
I love that Sufi saying which goes like this: “Break my heart – oh, please, break my heart! Break it again – so that I may learn to love even more.”
Very hard, SO damn hard! But nonetheless true. And once the heart gets so big the whole world fits in it, it can never be broken again, because it knows it is the world and everything in it. And – it is free of the world and everything in it.
~ With much love from both of us, Sundari