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A Set of Perfectly Cooperating Objects
Mary: Hi, James. I hope everything is fine. It’s been a while since the last email. I just want to tell you the current situation. More and more I am understanding the teachings. I now understand what you described as being free from Mary. It’s very clear now all are objects arising in me, awareness. Mary also. The only difference between Mary and other objects is that from the others I perceive them as gross, based on Mary’s perspective. From Mary I perceive the three bodies. I can see now that Mary’s characteristics as a jiva fooled me into identifying myself as this object and not as awareness where this and every other object arise. I see that I cannot find Mary anywhere, it’s just a set of objects rising in me so perfectly cooperating with each other that the character seems almost real. I see now that what I really am doesn’t have to do with any of the characteristics of Mary. Instead I am the screen where all of them appear. The trickiest thing of all is the “I” thought that takes place with every and each action, just taking credit of what just happened. It’s just another thought object as everything else. All this recognition is beyond just intellectual understanding. I see now that the confusion and frustration after each understanding came from the jiva trying to get rid of itself, taking credit of what the teachings did to the mind.
Beside all this, the self-enquiry is not yet at the end. But I am reminding again and again who I really am in all this and discriminating on every occasion. Maybe my lifestyle is not the ideal; I am working eight hours a day, but I am applying the knowledge as much as I can. Is like the perspective goes from awareness to jiva to awareness continuously. Every time I go on automatic pilot, on jiva/subject perspective, I remind myself who I really am again and again.
So this is all for now. I hope to hear from you soon.
James: Hi, Mary. Great email. I love your description of Mary as “a set of perfectly cooperating objects.” It seems you are right on track. It’s quite amazing that the self-inquiry is working so well insofar as you are working eight hours a day. But it just goes to show that Vedanta works in any situation if the inquirer is properly motivated. I admire your commitment. Keep it up. The bouncing back and forth – I sometimes call it the “firefly stage,” with the light of existence blinking on and off as understandable, considering your karma. As time passes it will be more and more on and less and less off. ☺ Self-inquiry is a process, evolution. You are very blessed!
~ Much love, James