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Fullness and Love
Ramji: Hi, Mark, lovely to hear from you. I am glad that you love me and you love Vedanta. I am happy to see that you are doing okay with the knowledge of the loss of your wife and daughter. It is very painful to lose people we love.
Mark: But I still have trouble with the relationship idea. I want to enjoy it before I get established in fullness. See the trickiness of my mind! It fears letting go of the idea that the joy is in the object, which means someone else paying attention to me fully when I want it. And the fear of aloneness too. What do you think?
Ramji: I think that it is only when you are established in fullness can you love someone else fully. As long as you feel incomplete and lonely, you will not succeed in love. Nobody wants a relationship with a needy person – except another needy person. If you have a relationship with a needy person, they will not have time to pay attention to you, because they will only be interested in satisfying their own needs. And you will not pay proper attention to their needs, because you will be fixated on your own needs. When you are full and don’t need anything, you become very attractive and everyone wants to have a relationship with you. Even if you have not actualized your fullness, you can have a successful relationship only if you have the karma yoga attitude because it is impossible for another person to always give you what you want when you want it the way you want it. The very fact that you want a relationship means that you don’t love yourself unconditionally. So the only solution is to put all your emotional energy into your sadhana and convert it into bhakti for Isvara.
~ Much love