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Death Is Life
Seeker: Ramji, death, dying, watching my mother decline.
Nothing is happening, yet there appears to be a person there in great pain, losing what seems to be her memory, outside of all her vasanas… fear, doubt, self-criticism, love, manipulation and an endless desire to control her surroundings. Of course it only appears like this. Throughout the day, pain and the ravages of dementia replace what I would previously characterize as my mother. Yet with great pain as she would drift to sleep, rarely would a night pass when she did not sleep fine. Upon waking, if her room does not meet her expectation, the doer appears to arise and straighten the bed, hunched over and ceaselessly making sure the bed is without wrinkles. When finished the pain returns. Are these examples of three states, waking and sleeping? Is the dementia the dream state?
This is not my mother nor is anything really happening, yet she holds to fear and thoughts that others, including myself, are critical of her.
This seeming event is sacred… not turning away, and I am dispassionate more than not.
Please offer your feedback.
Ramji: What you are seeing is the self living in a human body, apparently suffering and enjoying the three states of waking, dreaming and deep sleep. There is no “mother” there. No “your” there. You are projecting “motherness” and “myness.” These are ideas that you have carried forward long past the time when she actually was your mother. You are just the self witnessing the self about to abandon a particular form. It has no ultimate meaning. The vasanas that you called “Mom” will be reactivated before long and another “mom” will appear in consciousness. It is just life. Death is life.
~ Love, Ramji