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You Are Automatically Self-Aware
Conrad: Recognizing again/stronger the real knowledge, ignorance being removed, takes place again.
It becomes more clear (the jiva feeling a bit ashamed and frustrated – “I am not busy at all, all day, with how I feel!” – and glad that things become clearer) that there still was/is superimposing going on, and confusion, i.e. too little discrimination of the dimensions/levels of the jiva/human/life and I/awareness/the self (although the latter is not a level).
Knowledge is firmer now that the human aspect/life/experience is what it is, it is Me, etc., it does not need to be “transcended” (as if any jiva itself could actually do that). ☺
As the situation is now (to give an update):
At times, there is (to put it in words, as already there was before, as a “you know”) a kind of pure seeing/knowing, no thoughts, no person.
Shams: But it’s an experience after all, isn’t it? Are you looking for experience or knowledge?
Conrad: It looks (using words) as if existence/awareness is aware of itself, utterly simple, natural and grand, a silent beauty and calm presence.
Shams: That awareness is you. But ultimately it is a mistake to think that you have attributes. You have no beauty or silence. You are that which allows everything else to happen, but you are independent, free from any experience. And silence, beauty and calm are experiences. That is the unreal, while you are the Real.
And yes, self-awareness is the nature of the self. You are automatically self-aware. But that is not an action, not even an attribute. It’s simply you. By being the self, you know the self, because you are the self and the self is self-revealing. In fact you are the only thing (although you are not a thing) that can be known. You are always known to you. The problem is that, due to ignorance, the mind doesn’t get it. But the truth is quite simple. You don’t have to add knowledge to the mind (the part that wants moksa). For instance, you have to put everything in its place and stop taking seriously those experiences of beauty and calm, understanding them just for what they are: nothing more than experience. For the self-revealing to be revealed, you don’t need to add knowledge, but to remove ignorance, using a means – a means of knowledge.
Conrad: In this respect, some time ago the metaphor came to mind of the light that shines and makes seeing possible, itself, at the same time, being invisible. Also, the statement “I am what is” (which I don’t remember having seen or heard elsewhere) arose.
Shams: You are what is, but your mind has to perfectly understand what is “what is” and what is not. Otherwise, it’ll keep interpreting over its own appreciations founded in ignorance. Inquiry has to reach there too.
Conrad: Much more often, identification with “i,” feelings/thoughts/sensations/perceptions take place, but/while (at the same time) this experiencing is being witnessed.
Third, becoming less often gradually, the phases/moments that I (apparently) completely becomes “i,” to put it into words; no witnessing, only (not always) afterwards this occurs.
Shams: Those are experiences, the normal process of the mind. That’s what you experience. But what do you know?
Conrad: The knowledge gets firmer now that any personal/passionate doing (including the doing of letting go and concern about how the state of the jiva is), all experiences, inner and outer, just are a speck, a manifestation in what/who I really, always, timelessly and infinitely am, Existence.
Shams: That is called non-self.
Conrad: Reading, speaking James’ Song of the Self daily now is of help of course, makes understanding stronger and gives joy. An Upanishad. Grace.
What also appeared to be of help, in relation to the daily fear/arousal, was understanding from the e-satsangs that the states of free-floating fear/arousal “even” can be present after self-realization and actualization.
Shams: Of course. The change is in the reaction. The body-mind, after all, is an animal, so the animal keeps being that, and animals experience fear and desire. The absence of ignorance gives the mind the opportunity to decide over those experiences. So when the mind is having an uncomfortable experience, it can choose to act or not to act over that because it understands that your self is never affected. That’s only a change in understanding. When that knowledge is hard and fast we call it liberation.
Conrad: To further indicate how life is now, it is a strange/wonderful mix/alternation of what seems a bit depressive state; although things are going well, not much of daily life, nor goals for life (expansion-aspect) really matter, and something pure/real, peaceful/joyful.
Shams: That is knowledge doing its work. Maybe it would be a good idea to revisit the first teaching of Vedanta: happiness is not in the object.
Conrad: As I have the impression that although I understand the sentence, it needs a deeper understanding, I would like to ask you to elaborate on it (written at the end of your last email): “However, you don’t have to let the human go, because the human belongs to life, not to you.”
Shams: I mean that, ultimately, when you are doing your discrimination you get to the point where you note that every part that you believed to be yourself is nothing but an object in you, and that object has no essence. You are not the human, at all. So the mind could try to do something with that, but it’s something that only has to be understood, for there’s nothing to change. You are not the individual, you never were. So you don’t have to try to change anything else than your knowledge.
Conrad: A short recent feedback.
Your last email (recognizing the truth in it) removes further ignorance about the confusion, which (after all the emails/work) apparently/clearly still existed: that all the the experiences/states/thoughts/feelings of (apparently) personal/individual nature I emailed you about again and again are “just” the mind/ego, relative objects in Me, Awareness, universal, unchanging, simple.
Conrad: And/that only the latter is what it is about. That is who/what I am, always, ultimately. The direct knowledge. Which is firmer now.
Besides, doubtlessly as a play of the Divine Field, Isvara, yesterday I read, rereading in The Essence of Enlightenment, exactly the expression (used by James), of which I wrote in my last (extensive) email, that it arose in my mind and had, as I recalled, met nowhere before: “I am what is,” (page 78). It was a beautiful moment.
Shams: That sounds like very good news, Conrad. My recommendation is to keep watching. Ignorance is hardwired, so now that your understanding is much better it could be good to keep applying the right knowledge via inquiry, until ignorance is forever gone.