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A Progress Report
Jeremy: Ramji, just checking in. Everything seems to be unfolding exactly as you described it. The attention I give my vasanas is slowly becoming ameliorated and returning to self.
The realization that I am awareness is becoming more and more real, and I am experiencing my sense of perception as a focal point of reflection moving through me, which makes sense of why awareness pervades everything but it only APPEARS that Jeremy is moving around!
Ramji: Of course you need to keep your mind on the self as much as possible, but when you do – through karma yoga particularly – as you say, “attention slowly returns to the self.” Eventually, you don’t have to consciously put your attention on it. The result of all your previous efforts eventually kicks in and your attention becomes riveted on the self.
Jeremy: Anyhow, the more I realize how asleep I have been all my life, the more I feel a sense of empathy towards others and their confusion. I am not sure how all this is going to play out really, because my wife is starting to feel the pain of living with me. My lack of an ego agenda, and presence of awareness, has removed the person (Jason, formerly “me”) that she normally projects her issues onto, which leaves only herself to deal with. Poor thing! Try as she might, she cannot really grasp what all this awareness mumbo jumbo means.
But I have no choice but to continue to root myself in my own sense of well-being. The negative habits are very strong, but I am becoming bored and unforgiving of their willful ignorance. I am reaching the point of truly desiring for them to be finally eradicated. Knowing that they are standing between myself and the experience of myself is slowly chipping away at the crust of selfishness that has had me lock the Jeremy in place. The fight goes on.
Periodically I feel just overwhelmed with gratitude for nature and life itself. What an amazing and beautiful world we all miss on the way to nowhere. I feel more and more compelled to sit in meditation, not because it will get me anything, but because it feels good. And it seems to protect me from the insanity of others’ mental projections.
~ With love and gratitude