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Sex and Love
Seeker: Ramji, the most amazing thought settled into my mind yesterday, like a leaf that has been falling from above somewhere and finally came to rest.
I don’t need anyone to love me.
All my life I have been attached to the idea of finding and having Love. But suddenly it’s like – blip! – no more. I am the love I was seeking. Pay attention to myself! You told me before to “recognize myself” with reference to seeking approval, and that really started the ball rolling. I began to see all the little ways I was seeking approval and recognition, and eradicate those actions as the desire arose.
But with love it seemed harder. I wasn’t really conscious of the fact that the subtle underlying dissatisfaction I felt was because I was stuck on the idea that I needed to find a suitable love partner, one that was “all that and a bag of chips,” as they say. And every little imperfection in my wife was a poke in the side of this idea, like, “Hey, remember me? If you had ME, THEN you would be happy.”
But when I realized I am the subject, then it got all fucked up till this idea finally came to rest. I don’t need love, because I am love. I don’t need anyone to pay attention to me, because I AM attention itself! How can I add more attention to attention??
In order to GET love I need to be this pathetic needy person with his dick in one hand and his heart in the other, looking for love while I pretend to have it all together! LMFAO [laughing my fucking ass off]!! And I always ended up hurting myself or someone else.
Well, I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. I just wanted to share that with you, that I understand it now.
Also, I think the sex vasana is rooted in this idea of needing love, so it makes sense that I must overcome the neediness before I can really work on the symptoms it creates.
Vedanta really is amazing. It just goes deeper and deeper, and it all connected.
Ramji: Cool. There are two aspects to the sex vasana: jiva and Isvara. You can’t do anything about the Isvara bit except endure it in good humor and indulge it occasionally, if you please; it’s about keeping the species alive. But the jiva bit is more complicated. It is related to the idea of needing love. Jivas, men particularly, equate love and sex. They think if they rub on a woman long and hard enough they will be loved. Women, not so much. But there is definitely a connection between low self-esteem and the need for sex. Keep inquiring.
~ Love, James