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Sundari: There is no way to definitively figure out mithya, especially for someone else. We all have different values and svadharma. What we value and is right for us is not necessarily a universal law but a personal one. It is true that we need discrimination to determine things in mithya and make intelligent choices. But as James said to you, all mithya problems cannot be resolved at the mithya level, but only from the satya perspective, which is why the proper use of discrimination is between satya and mithya, if moksa is your main aim. You are using discrimination to discriminate mithya from mithya and projecting satya onto it, which does not work and is not what discrimination is meant for. This is especially true whenever we have no option but to accept a situation that seems to go against our values. The emphasis is on “seems” because if we are using discrimination properly, the problem or confusion will be present because of ignorance and/or with our values.
Jiva Darryl is programmed by his childhood conditioning to believe that he has to be perfect; he can only do everything perfectly or not at all, people and life around him have to conform to his likes and dislikes, i.e. to his projections of perfection and to his denial of his projections. The problem is mithya is inherently imperfect and will never be anything else. Nothing will change this. Only the self is perfect.
This alone is what stands between you and the ability to take a stand in awareness as awareness. Darryl insists everything has to be perfect, and if it is not, this means he does not “get it,” even though he knows the scripture and what it says very well. He can recite the words, but they mean nothing, and the knowledge they impart cannot obtain, because this deeply-rooted perfection samskara stands in the way. Perfection is an egoic stronghold, a consequence of the belief and deep fear that you are flawed, limited and inadequate. The ego needs to do everything perfectly to feel validated. It is a tough nut to crack, I know! As long as Darryl keeps projecting this idea of perfection on himself and the world around him, nothing will work.
If Darryl refuses to look at this, he might as well forget about the scripture and his sadhana. Customs is very strict on this point. You can go this far and no further – but if you refuse to dissolve the jiva’s stuff – its binding desires, projections and denials, the doors to freedom close for you. You might as well go off and enjoy being a samsari, indulge your likes and dislikes, suffer and enjoy the world.
You have steadfastly refused to accept Ram’s superiority as your guru, insisting on relating to him as James, not Ram. It’s okay to relate to him as James if that is what you want to do. But if you do, you need to see that although James is a construct, if you judge him then make sure your judgments are reasonable. And in judging him or me, you need to look at things two ways: first, from the non-dual perspective, as the self, your judgments say nothing about James or me, only about you – as a jiva. It shows that you are identified with the jiva Darryl and his likes and dislikes. From this perspective, your judgments have no effect on us at all. Secondly, from the mithya, or dualistic, perspective of Darryl’s likes and dislikes, your judgments hurt because James may be the self but as James he has feelings. He has never judged you. How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot?
If you cannot accept that James, as Ram, is your guru and as such knows more than you do about you and what you need to hear with regards to understanding the teaching, you need to move on.
~ Love, Sundari