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Raylene: Hi, Ram. By the way, I’m doing great. I finally “dropped IT.” It happened when I was reading a line from a commentary by Dayananda about Ramana Maharshi’s Upadesa Saram: “The teaching is the grace of the Lord. Either the Lord should reveal the truth of ‘That thou art’ or a teacher should.”
Somehow that did it. The short version is that it reminded me that it had been revealed to me by the Vedanta and that all these judgments about myself were in the way. I realized those were what they call doubts. And I realized that these judgments… doubts… were not important and it was okay to have them. The hardest one for me was to be okay with my emotional pain. I was forever trying to fix it. But finally I had to tell myself that my emotional and mental shortcomings were okay. Maybe they were not okay for someone else, but that is someone else’s problem.
I have nothing more to accomplish now, no more striving, no more obligations or convincing myself or anybody that I’m okay. What a job! There is nothing that I “have to” do anymore and I’m not worried about the future. What finished my seeking was finally simply loving my warts.
All there is to do now is to enjoy the rest of my life. I don’t know how or where things are going, but that doesn’t matter.
You were the main trigger for me to let all this come to the surface. I’m sorry the relationship was difficult for you. Just know that it was more difficult for me and it accomplished its goal. Thanks again.
~ With love, Raylene
Ram: Dear Raylene, I don’t know if I replied to this news, but it is such good news that I will reply again even if I did. Good for you. You did realize the truth when we met, but the doubts kept you from enjoying yourself. Everything you say here I told you over and over again for years, and now finally the resistance stopped. It’s just a shame that it didn’t happen when I was telling it. ☺ Anyway, I am very happy for you. I always thought you were a bit like a bulldog, sink your teeth in and not let go, no matter what. And it paid off. Again, congratulations. You can get on with the business of enjoying life.
~ Much love, Ram