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The Root of Fear
Annika: Dear Sundari, warm greetings from me to you and Ramji.
It’s been a while since our last email exchange, which I really enjoyed. I hope you both are having a good time and Isvara supplied you with good health.
I want to let you know that I am still on the Vedanta bus.
Self-inquiry is my everyday sadhana, reading James’ first German book and watching as many YouTube videos as possible every day.
Sundari: Good to hear from you again, and I am so happy for you that you are dedicated to self-inquiry and it is working for you. Unless we are prepared to “do the work” of understanding and negating the jiva’s stuff, Vedanta is nothing more than a bunch of good but impotent ideas.
Annika: When I was a little child, my first written word was “eye.” Maybe “eye” stood for the longing to “see” the truth… because even till today I am “obsessed” with eyes.
And as a child I could not stand it when someone talked to me but refused to show their face or make eye contact while speaking to me.
Fifteen years ago I wrote this short poem:
I look in the mirror,
But who do I see?
It’s just an illusion,
Not really me!
I had never heard about Vedanta at that time. I wrote it down and had no idea why I had written these two sentences…
Sundari: Lovely poem. It is not so amazing that we know the self, how can we not? It is who we are and the self longs to experience itself as whole and complete while seemingly appearing as a subtle body. The knowledge is always there, just covered by ignorance. The eye is an good metaphor for awareness because it sees everything but cannot be seen without a mirror – the mirror of self-knowledge. The word “eye” is also another word for the “I” correctly identified with the subject (awareness) and not the object (jiva/the world).
Annika: Some jiva stuff that may interest you:
For four years there is someone in my life who is so kind and generous to me without expecting something from me in return. I feel a warm and respectful connection between us.
On the other hand, there is also sooo much tension between us because we are in a situation that makes it difficult to treat each other equally.
In 2015 I wrote him a personal letter in which I wrote my personal feelings about him. I wrote it with huge respect and dharmic intention. He was furious about that letter and he told me that it is the first time in his life that someone spoke so honestly to him and expressed her feelings towards him. Most people, as he told me, have a personal gap between themselves and others.
I feel so much fear inside him. He’s highly rajasic and tamasic with little bit of sattva. His whole life he has been researching the fear factor in humans/jivas, but he doesn’t feel better about himself. I wish I could help him and talk to him about Vedanta. This could be his lost puzzle piece.
But I would never ever talk to him about that topic unless he wants to know and is ready to hear the truth.
I leave it all up to Isvara.
Sundari: Fear cannot be understood unless you can get to its root, which is ignorance, rajas and tamas. You are right that you cannot talk to him, because he clearly is not qualified for self-inquiry, because he is totally identified with the body-mind, and therefore threatened by self-knowledge. He probably thinks he knows a lot too. Keep your own counsel, do not disturb the minds of the ignorant, says Krishna in the Gita. Leave it to Isvara to teach him. I have attached an extensive satsang on fear I recently wrote for an inquirer.
~ Much love, Sundari