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Taking a Stand in Awareness as Awareness
Fred: Daniel, with Ramji here recently (and knowing full well the difficulty with “experiences” per se), I had an amazing experiential epiphany, and it still lingers. It had something to do with light ripping through my forehead and experiencing myself as the light of consciousness, and this went on for days. Finally, when I thanked Ramji, I told him that “he nailed it.” Standing up, he held onto my hand and looked at me, saying: “You nailed it.” I asked what he meant, and he just gestured at my forehead, as if he could see what was happening to me (I think he could).
Later, still subtler… I was standing in the POV [point of view] of awareness, and watching thoughts come and go as the awareness remained (remains). I can say “remains” because today I am having a good deal of sattvic – awareness-centered – “identity.”
The apparent loss of that state (awareness-centered) is where the trouble begins, and the craving for the state appears, gets really strong (a vasana for epiphany) and the “craving” does not seem to help matters – at all. It’s as if Isvara knows that “the craving for experience” is not a truly honorable request, and hence it is denied. Isvara seems to be saying: “Come back when you want understanding and knowledge, but not when you’re looking for the “next high.”
But now… back to something you’ve been saying all along.
“To take a stand in awareness as awareness.” This is a seemingly simple statement, yet I started today with that stand and it is working. And it’s easy (until of course it’s not)…
1. By “Stand in awareness”… can this also mean that we are taking a stand in the world, that the universe IS awareness, so that we are merely acknowledging and embracing/being THAT awareness that is the physical world, hence we are not introducing a “foreign element” but are actually “syncing in” with the true nature of reality… at the same time… AS awareness.
2. Stand in awareness “as awareness”… meaning that we continue to find our essential reality AS the awareness which can be sensed as those moments in between thoughts… what is left over after the subtle body “has its say,” so to speak? And I think I understand that it may be possible to observe the thinking/feeling subtle body from the awareness POV, but oddly, for me, it seems that every time I assume this “awareness” perspective, that the thinking/feeling functions cease, almost immediately.
This is my “share” from the trenches!
Daniel: It’s golden that you had/have self-knowledge to appropriately accommodate, digest and use this epiphany to your advantage, to further ground your true identity in/as free awareness.
Is the craving/vasana really a problem if you’re aware of the fact that you’re craving? In other words, has it really got a grip if you’ve already objectified it? You are always free from what you know.
Sure, a sense of agitation (object) may linger for a bit, but you’ve already nailed it by stepping back as the observer/knower (awareness) of the craving (object).
With a little bit of vigilant discipline, continue to bring the mind back to rest in awareness as awareness and this craving/vasana (object) will lose its teeth in no time. And even if it comes up again, it ain’t a big deal, because you’ll just rightfully kick it right back into the object pile with the sword of discrimination.
1. Taking a stand in awareness as awareness means owning my true identity as the free, unchanging awareness that I already am. And to take a stand in reality as reality means that I know that though I am the essence of everything, I simultaneously remain free from everything. The universe is me (awareness), but I am not the universe. In other words, though the world depends on me, the essence, my nature does not change or bend to any of my self-projected objects (i.e. world, etc.).
You’re totally spot on. Discovering both our oneness with everything (i.e. universe) and our freedom from everything (i.e. universe) is liberation. This is perfect non-dual vision.
2. Awareness can’t really be sensed, because you already are this non-objectified awareness. But I know what you’re saying.
Here’s a subtle inquiry to contemplate: it’s not Fred who knows or senses awareness but rather you, awareness, who knows/senses Fred and his experience. In other words, the texture of Fred’s subtle body – whether very active or very still – is an object known to you.
But again, I’m just being anal here because you’re qualified to receive these subtle and final tweaks.
Yes – assuming your true identity naturally fructifies a sense of ease for the jiva because your true identity is always full, always complete and always good.