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I Don’t Want to Stop Being Human
Rupert: Ramji, a very interesting phenomenon has arisen recently. But a little background first. I had a thought that if all experience is a zero-sum game and the joy is not in the objects, why not dive headlong into accessing the bliss sheath via meditation as a daily practice? I feel like this will more easily allow me to maintain discrimination and just cut down on mental agitation in general. Having been pretty serious about my pranayama meditation in the past, I know that with about two to three months of steady practice I can achieve very deep and satisfying states of experiential bliss through breath control.
Okay. Well, apparently having the knowledge to accompany the practice is quite a boon and within a short time I am again experiencing deeper meditation.This is also accompanied by an increase in prana, which feels great, BUT sometimes I began to experience a type of fear, as if I will start glowing and burst like a light bulb that cannot contain the energy. I have experienced the sheer terror of ego loss long ago. This feels like a mild version of the same fear. Who will I become when all my desires are gone? How will I live in the world with nothing left to accomplish but the daily grind of neutralizing Maya within my own self?
It feels like the pull of the causal body attempting to avert me from a lifestyle it is not accustomed to. But why the fear? Typically, the establishment of positive habits is accompanied by a type of exhilaration, which is there. But it as if I don’t want to to stop being a human for some reason, a strange statement, I know, but I hope you get the idea. Any thoughts?
Ramji: First of all, why believe in fear? It is just a thought of loss or lack, accompanied by an unpleasant emotion. Any bliss you experience through your efforts creates attachment to the practice that mines the bliss. So you are going to do pranayama all day long and sit in meditation forever just to feel good? Thirdly, causal-body bliss itself comes in degrees. The psychology behind the pursuit of “inner” bliss is that it is exactly the same as the pursuit of worldly blisses. So the practice just reinforces the wanting self. And all this to avoid “the daily grind of neutralizing Maya”?
The day you stop being human and having desires is the day you die. Your idea of freedom for Rupert is incorrect. He is a work in progress until they put him six feet under. It seems to me that this idea is just an attempt to counteract a rajasic/tamasic lifestyle. Karma yoga means cleaning up your karma, creating inner space for the bliss of awareness to reflect in all its glory, not creating another spiritual doing for the doer. In any case, Rupert and his stuff is mithya, only apparently real. Why take it seriously?
~ Much love, James