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Never Again the Person
Tom: Basically, I listened to swamis and Ramana; of course I started out with the Neos, but we all know where this leads.
I’m at a point where I can completely relate my old life with my new life.
I realize my psychosis is the biggest gift I could ever receive from Isvara. It “woke me up,” so to speak, but I had to go through a lot before knowing what it truly was.
You see, I feel a sense of complete power and respect for myself and all other beings.
I feel inspired, alive, unaffected by pleasure and pain.
I am really not afraid of anything or anyone; this sense of complete satisfaction does not leave.
I know that the life of inquiry supercharged me to become solid as a rock, as in completely balanced.
Perhaps I did not hear about karma yoga because I went full-on sannyasi, who knows?
Sundari: Karma yoga is the only way to negate the doer, and if you did not hear about it, perhaps you were practising it without knowing it.
Tom: What I do know is that I do my duty, and do not hurt other beings with my behaviour.
Dharma is automatically taken on board, basically.
To add to that, you replied that the bliss can flicker on and off, and that if this is the case, there could be some more nididhyasana to do.
The realization now is I have done all that needed to be done and accomplished all which needed to be accomplished.
The realization is that my life has been in Bhagavan’s hands ever since I had my first “awakening.”
So no, I do not mistake myself to be Tom, the person, and never will anymore as well.
Sundari: I am so happy for you, Tom, it certainly sounds like the Self talking. Nididhyasana never really ends for the jiva; but of course, if you know you are not the jiva and never think of yourself as a person, then nididhyasana, like karma yoga, is no longer a practice. It is just knowledge because you are perfectly satisfied with your jiva and its life; the jiva no longer bothers you at all. It is wonderful that you are so confident in the Self, perfect in fact. But never forget that the jiva is never perfect. It is what it is, and to remain free of it, as the jiva is an ever-changing object in an ever-changing field of objects, we say that the jivanmukta should always keep the humility of eternal vigilance.
May you live eternally in the bliss of the Self you are.
~ Much love, Sundari