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Recalibration of the Ego
Sarah: Thank you for your reply. I understand that you are both busy and traveling. I will wait for the answer regarding my dream of course. No problem at all. I am grateful for the great job you two do!
Sundari: I think your dream is about ego death. Thank you for the acknowledgment, the recalibration of the ego and negation of the five sheaths.
Sarah: I am not anxious in general. There are some “strange experiences happening” that make me feel a bit mad. The body not really feeling mine, the feeling that time is not really existing (or not passing by at all), among other things. Yesterday, I was driving by myself and I was (the jiva/mind) gone for a while. After a while (maybe 10 minutes), I saw Sarah driving and I was suddenly somewhere else wondering who did drive all the time!
The appreciation of reality is changing and feels not only not real but also as it would be a big joke. Sometimes I just laugh and laugh when I observe my kids or someone else complaining and “performing a drama” out of nothing. All feels just not real.
I also had a couple of times difficulties after getting up in the morning. I find myself having difficulties to know what’s real and what is not, the dream or the life of the jiva who is wondering what’s real and what’s not. Well, I know intellectually that both of them are not real. But to have this confusing experience is weird. The third instance of the observant is appearing clear to me.
At the same time, when daily life gets challenging, I find myself lost in Sarah’s story again.
Sundari: These are probably just symptoms of the knowledge working on the mind, adjusting the way it usually relates to its environment. They are quite common in the firefly” stage of self-inquiry when Self-knowledge blinks on and off. In fact many inquirers fear going mad when delving too deeply into the true nature of reality! The ego loses its compass of object identification and does not know how to respond to what is happening to it. It’s a period of adjustment best faced with karma yoga, offered to Isvara with an attitude of gratitude. It will pass. Just stick to your sadhana, as the knowledge is your only true protection and guide through the minefield of mithya.
Understanding how involuntary thoughts and feelings run the mind is the groundwork of self-inquiry. Happiness is about mind and emotion management, i.e. guna management.
And all our love to you too.