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The Last Stage of Self-Inquiry Is the Toughest
Karen: I so much appreciate how generously you opened your heart to me and shared your experience of your jiva’s journey finding Ramji and Vedanta and embracing the extraordinary karma that has been unfolding. I love you very much, and I learn so much from your satsangs and rereading the ones that have a particular impact is part of my nididhyasana. Recently the one called Self-Actualization: The Tough Part hit the apparent nail on the head!!
Sundari: I am so glad the satsangs help you. We all go through a similar process freeing ourselves of the jiva, which is why the teachings work for everyone. They are impersonal and irrefutable.
Karen: Honestly (speaking as a jiva), it’s been a challenging few months since returning from the wonderful retreat. The causal body has been throwing stuff up. Learning to stay firm with nididhyasana without projection or denial has been tough going!! Deep samskaras are apparently powerful and persistent. I must be very humble about this and remember the 5/10/15 rule of Ramji!!! Just because I realized who I am doesn’t mean I don’t have some serious work to do making the complete switch from identifying with jiva to basking always in my glorious true being, Love everlasting.
Sundari: Yes, indeed, the last stage of Self-inquiry is the toughest. Your self-honesty is your protection from sliding down the denial rabbit hole. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you know you have that tendency. The effects of ignorance take as long as they take to be removed, leave it up to Isvara. Being free also means that you accept the jiva the way it is without trying to change it. You didn’t make it that way, so why try? All we need worry about is what stands in the way of our full appreciation of our limitlessness – those pesky samskaras! You are doing just fine. You know you have nididhaysana to do and you are “doing” it, with the karma yoga spirit.
Karen: I guess it is only to be expected that the ego fights to survive and recognizing that that is what is happening rather than being involved in the personal details is key to not letting it gain traction.
Sundari: The ego will fight to keep its identity, no doubt about that. The ego is always afraid, always worried because it is not in control of the objects or results of action. Facing up to our less-than-fabulous small self is never something the ego is happy to do, but it must be done to dismiss it as not-Self. And then the ego is no problem, because it can be loved for what it is – the “I” thought wrongly associated with and identified with objects,
Karen: I am finding that a key point is to remember that feeling/emotion is an object, is mithya and not real. I have discovered how attached I am to feel sattvic and thinking that something is wrong if sattva is not available to me due to daily life situations, and especially my significant other (or wannabe non-dual) relationship which still kicks up stuff.
Sundari: Feelings, emotionality, is what causes most of jiva’s psychological problems. Let go of the desire for a non-dual relationship too. For many inquirers who are no longer seekers this is the final and toughest part of Self-inquiry, letting go of the attachment to “purity,” to sattva, and then to the idea of moksa. You are moksa. Sattva it is not a quality you can really gain more of, because it is the nature of the mind, usually obscured by rajas and tamas. A sattvic mind is what we all aim for, but that alone will not free us from dependence on objects or end the subtle existential suffering that comes with dependence. See the desire for sattva like you see all feelings, objects known to you, so not you.
Karen: I also came up against old fear vasanas about having a guru (since my relationship with Andrew Cohen). I thought this was all done but it surfaced again as I spent more time with you and Ramji. I love you both so much and fear/tamas has nothing to do with it. Old woundolgy masking love.
Sundari: Understandable, given your past experience. Nididhyasana is a full-scale approach to the jiva’s story, no fine print, full disclosure. For a pure mind to obtain, there can be no place to hide for the little ego. It must be flushed out. Self-realization is a guarantee that Isvara is going to step up the heat with all the detritus still lingering in the microcosmic causal body. Living the teachings means allowing this stuff to surface, see the program, understand its origin as gunas/Isvara, and to dismiss it. No way to be truly free of it any other way. You can live with the stuff if you see it all as not self and don’t care about the mental agitation it will cause, but then freedom is not that free, is it? The Advaita shuffle (I can’t help it, it’s not me, so who cares how I act or treat myself or anybody?) is not going to result in limitlessness, for sure.
Karen: This is the nitty-gritty, rubber-meets-the-road sadhana!
Thank you, Isvara for this opportunity to purify the mind and be free to express the true love that is my nature!!
Thank you, Ramji, for bringing this beautiful timeless teaching to so many jivas.
I am doing as you suggested and studying Dayananda’s Baghavad Gita study course. Also a few of us are doing an online satsang reading The Yoga of the Three Energies. This is a wonderful way to connect between us and helpful to share.
So much gratitude, Sundari.
Karen: With love, from Self to Self…
Sundari: Good for you, stick with your sadhana, you are doing just great. We both love you very much too, always know that. We all have so much to be grateful for, especially for Ramji!
~ Self to Self, Sundari