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A Trick of the Teachings
Cecelia: Dear Ramji, I am writing to you to express my love and gratitude to you.
I’ve spent hours and hours listening and reading Vedanta over the past nine years.
My love for the truth became intense and almost an obsession over the past two years. I listened to your audios on Vedanta almost always! While I was cooking, driving my kids to sport or to school, doing the laundry and riding my bike in the forest – you were (and still are) my closest companion, and my kids love Ramji as much as I do!
My life changed gradually over the years. I used to be very engaged in the world in different ways, enjoying going out with friends, working, watching TV, reading the papers, doing a lot of sport, etc., quite a rajasic person in a rajasic world of objects.
The last years I rarely met or had contact with people. Mostly I spend the day in the house by myself and with my family. I stopped working in the office a couple of years ago and started to give yoga classes, at home and also outside. I was successful there but the interest started to decrease as my passion for Vedanta grew some years ago. Being a yoga teacher can be quite demanding too! I wanted to have more time for contemplation, meditation and reading the scripture. Plus I have quite a lot to do with the three kids (who are quite demanding teenagers right now!).
My sadhana consists in fulfilling my duties as a householder (and this will stay like that as long as it takes) and studying the scripture. I do not engage in any new projects. I just finished the last long yoga teacher training (number 7!) and think the jiva does not need to insist on trying to qualify herself within the world to feel fine! She is okay as she is!
The relationship with my husband changed a lot too! We are not together as a couple anymore (for the last two years already!) but decided to stay together in the house with the kids until our common tasks are finished. This is not always that easy but we are being good parents and get along quite okay with each other! This is a great improvement!
I still have an extramarital love relationship, even though we cannot see each other very often (due to my obligations at home). We share the love for Vedanta, enjoy hiking together in the mountains and spending some time in India.
Last year I had quite a few intense non-dual epiphanies. They were great but left my jiva confused and frustrated. My ego claimed to be enlightened and that was quite painful and difficult for the jiva.
Only a couple of months ago, I had the Mandukya Upanishad in my hands for the first time. I decided to listen first to the audios and then read your commentaries on this. They literally blew my little jiva-mind. Many important concepts I took to be true from the previous Vedanta teachings collapsed altogether. Nothing ever happened! It made me laugh to remember how much time I’ve spent trying to understand the Creation theory and how jiva and Isvara relate to each other, to come to a point where I see that this was nothing but a trick of the teachings to get the mind prepared for its assimilation.
Not only my understanding but also the “jiva-experience” changed after assimilating Mandukya. Suddenly I found my jiva laughing while watching the movie of life, which was taking place in front of me. I saw my and other jivas doing their best to work out their karma.
I felt a huge relief, as I understood that that person I thought I was does not have anything to do with Me, really. Things apparently unfold by themselves, love and understanding for Cecelia and everyone else is flowing, including my kids. Life is nothing but a huge illusion, a big play of Maya for us to get to know who we truly are. Life is a love game! The jivas find themselves in a labyrinth of incredible situations and challenges that get them ready for the understanding that there is nothing else but Me, whose nature is true love.
After Mandukya, the whole world collapsed and subsumed itself into Me. Cecelia’s heart and mind are stable and calm, even where she has tons of things to do! Sometimes it’s really funny to look at her life. Sometimes it’s boring too!
I remember a conversation I once had with a Vedanta friend who suggested Cecelia should surrender to her life, because she wished to have a different one! I understand now what she meant by that. There is only Me, and Cecelia’s (apparent) karma needs to be acted out. There is no other right choice. It’s not about her desires, likes and dislikes. Which are the choices?! There are no choices!!!! Her resistance dissolves when she acts diligently and properly! Difficulties are arising sometimes, and because I know that they belong to her, not to Me, she became quite dispassionate and relaxed. That’s quite weird, since she used to be very agitated and rajasic. Life (apparently) goes on as I keep steady with my sadhana. What else can I do?! I can’t imagine a day without Vedanta anyway! Studying the scripture, reflecting on that and listening to you are my strongest vasanas!!
Thank you so much!!!!!!
Love to Sundari and to you!!