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I Could Weep Here Sometimes
Andy: Hi, James.
Namaskaar. I was in Berlin seminar – thanks again; the bliss of awareness is a great topic. It was great – even if my rajas/tamas sometimes kicked in here and there. I’m usually listening to your videos/audios while I’m doing my daily life stuff, so I’m not used to sitting for six hours, but so what, right? The guna wheel is always spinning but I don’t move anywhere.
An old yogi friend of mine came also, but she really had an hard time listening. “WTF are they talking about?” she said. She didn’t come the second day, so I called her and she said her tamas kicked in and she went shopping. I really like that little story because I didn’t get Vedanta either when I first heard it nine years ago. I remember you saying Maya is a tricky bitch, and I loved that language and the way you presented Vedanta, even if it sounded more like science fiction and not really like something that has to do with me.
I used to read a lot of yoga stuff like Yogananda, Sivananada and Vivekananda, the big yogis who make it seem like moksa is a bigger-than-life ideal very far away. It was not good for them to do that, because it made me feel that I was unworthy, small and incompetent and could never know who I really am. When I read your book I was very happy to hear the enlightenment myths, all the funny ideas circulating in the yoga circus, exposed in chapter II of The Essence of Enlightenment. Don’t get me wrong. I was all in on the yoga part for almost 10 years. I really was. Even Buddhism was all good up to a point. Yoga and Buddhism planted a seed, but it sprouted and grew into a big tree when I understood the value of Vedanta. It kicked in really hard.
Thank you for your support and for sharing the truth. Your bhakti for this lineage and the scripture is infectious. I’m now a committed Vedanta freak. I appreciate the mahatmas/rishis and the glory of Isvara/Self shining in this word-mirror. I mean, is there anything better to do than to think these beautiful thoughts, the thoughts of God? I could weep here sometimes. I get really emotional by the beauty of the scripture. I love the Gita the best. I’m into the Carbondale series and I love Chinmaya’s Holy Gita. So thank you for every little thing. I never expected to find something like this after 10 years on the “spiritual” paths. I always want to find a guru but on hearing to your talks I realised that I found everything that I was always looking for. The seeking stopped because every question has been answered, all by the grace of the Lord.
Writing is part of my sadhana and I share it with some of my Vedanta brothers/sisters. It helps me to get the knowledge more firm and see more clearly if my ideas conform to scripture. I hope to see you this year again somewhere. Usually Isvara is organising everything pretty well around my highest values.
~ With pranams and gratitude, Andy