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A Deep Trust in Me
Student: Dear Ram, it is now almost a year ago that I wrote you during the online seminar on the Gita. I can’t help it but I am addicted to Vedanta. I didn’t know that the journey was so interesting. The depth of the knowledge is immense. I was flirting with some knowledge I thought I knew. I read a lot of books, heard a lot of so-called gurus; in all kinds of directions; in Christianity, Judaism, Buddism, Zen Buddism, Tibetian Buddhism and New Age. And the so-called Neos. But there was always a certain discontentment, a feeling of missing something. I asked, but didn’t get answers, so the search did continue.
Then I met Vedanta and before I knew it I was drowned in a sea of knowledge. There are no questions, because the teaching is so profound. And if there were any, the answer was, with a little patience, told in time. It all fits together. It isn’t easy consuming the knowledge and get on with my life. It destroyed all I thought it was true. It turned me upside down. It set me on fire. I want to understand it better and listen and read every day for at least two hours. I think and meditate about the knowledge. The more I listen to the teachings of the Gita and the Upanishads and the commentaries of Shankara the more I can assimilate it. All the pieces of the puzzle of life are fitting together and taking shape, getting whole. In time I discover (or uncover) a deep trust in me, a deep feeling of happiness that I never experienced before. I can’t describe it as an experience, there are no words for it, but let’s call it consciousness. It is there without a reason.
In my Neo time, I wanted to experience bliss. I tried to be. When I look back I see it is like dissociation from reality. It is like being God and thinking nothing touches me, I am above all. It was a trick, words that where hollow, some quotes that had no depth. Now I “see” Isvara, all-pervasive, unlimited, unconditioned love-consciousness. The beauty is that I (as a person/jiva) am part of Isvara, that I am a manifestation of Isvara and everything is a manifestation of Isvara, including my thoughts, feelings, body, siblings, house, everything. Everything is given. I own nothing and still I am everything (as atman brahman). What a beauty. There is total relaxation in this knowledge that I am. I don’t have to search any more. All the books that are not Vedantic are for sale. Perhaps you are interested? ☺
A friend of mine is also interested in Vedanta. Sadly, he is caught up in Mooji and Eckhart. In the past years we shared our understanding. But there is a difference occurring. First I was searching and trying to convince him and, I think, myself. There was uncertainty about the knowledge I heard and partly assimilated. There was no teaching and no lineage behind the knowledge. But through listening, meditating and assimilating the knowledge of traditional Vedanta I see my understanding changes. Last week, for example, I felt confident about the knowledge I shared. It was so powerful, everything I said was without doubt. It is fun to do because it showed me how much I understand it. It is so complete and whole, this teaching. I can see now, because of the devotion teaching, not everybody is ready to understand it. My friend also, he wants to know, but the work has to be done.
I think I am still on track. I want to listen and hear the teaching and read the texts, to assimilate it more and more and to live the teaching, to enjoy the beauty. For the next weeks I am on holidays, from work, but not from Vedanta. I look forward to the time I can listen to the Atma Bodha, read your book about it and the teaching of Swami Paramarthananda. I can go on and on, but I think I have made my point.
The last thing I want to share is my deep gratitude for you and Sundari, the teachings you made available and gave me a portal to all other teachings of Swami Dayananda and the sampradaya. The Vedanta bus goes on, and I am on it and love it. The journey goes on, without a road map, because there is only one route.
~ With love
Ramji: Thanks for this inspired sharing. I am very happy for you!