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The Penny Finally Dropped
Mary: Hi, Ramji.
Many thanks for seeing me off at the airport. I was in the laundromat jet-lagged out of my gourd, and the penny finally dropped. Thinking about issues of competition and control from our conversation on the way to the airport, it occurred that issues are nothing but thought-objects appearing in me. They have no meaning, no reality, if they are recognized merely as thoughts with zero-sum upsides and downsides. This line of thinking as applied to everything else made it clear that Sundari, Ramji and Mary are not actual people, just concepts. There is no external sadistic father or competitive female lurking behind the bushes. No effed-up jivas that need to be looking at their “stuff.” No problems with love or lack of love. The love issue that came out during my visit with you needed to be treated as if it were real for the purpose of shining awareness into a dark place, but once that virulent-appearing thought carbuncle was exposed it could be discriminated just like everything else. Vedanta is very kind and good to play along with misconceptions of reality until understanding dawns. Deep vasanas need to be addressed with compassion and care as if they are real in order to free the jiva from the apparent prison they seemingly impose. I am very thankful for your skill and patience in helping me understand this. The so-called difficulties, judgments and disturbances only arise when there is a belief that any of it is real.
The only apparent obstacle to receiving love for me was a thought that I was unworthy of receiving love, a particularly painful tender spot that I’m guessing most jivas will protect till the bitter end, abuse their kids over and perhaps even start a war. It is only one awareness of course, but the simple love of a father and a mother that you and Sundari modeled again and again exposed that weary old saw to the light of day. There were communications that I understood and many that I didn’t, but they did the job regardless.
The deep samskaras are not real, but insofar as the jiva is made unhappy by them, they need to be addressed. The advice to use the “astra” mantra of God’s name to discriminate thought is a godsend and I will be using it till the end of my days.
~ Love, Mary