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Vic: Hi, Ram. Its time for me to have satsang again and to try to clear up the remaining traces of ignorance that are present. Firstly, I have to acknowledge the presence of suffering that does still arise.
Ram: Lovely to hear from you again. I knew you were out there, but I thought by now you would have dozens of disciples and no financial and family worries. ☺ The suffering belongs to Vic, not to you. Why own it? It is the result of past karma that is still in the pipeline. If you know you are suffering, are you suffering? In other words, take a stand in awareness. If this doesn’t work, start worshiping your father as the self. Might as well throw in the wife and kids too. He is not your father anyway, and this kind of thing is not inherited, although I suppose being around a nutter all one’s life is not very pleasant. You are very sane. You are just a bit tamasic in your thinking. Life is a joke, Vic. It is not worth taking seriously. You could die any day. What good would the worry have done? Be happy. It is not that hard once you have made up your mind. Remember the last time you laughed and start from there.
Vic: Just lately my father has had another nervous breakdown; we are at about twenty now, but his behaviour has changed from tamas (depression, fear, sleeping, dull, etc.) to a mix of rajas and what to do next before he exhausts and lands in the nuthouse.
James: Let him go to the nuthouse. That is the karma/dharma of nuts. Yes, it is natural to feel compassion, but don’t take it seriously. It is just Isvara delivering the fruits of his actions. If he could be any other way, he would. It is too late to think about it. Just let it go and let the state take care of him. Visit him once a week and tell him some jokes.
Vic: To get to the point, this seems to send vasanas rocketing out from the causal body, and I find myself in a deeply tamasic state of mind. Since meeting you and starting to study Vedanta I no longer feel overwhelmed at these times; in the past I used to feel I was going crazy. I spent about three years literally consumed with the fear and obsession that I was going to lose my mind at any moment and end up hospitalised (coincidentally, this is around the same time I got disillusioned with Neo-Advaita. I took a nose dive to despair, but it was worth it to get away from that nonsensical teaching). But now I know I am whole and complete; this has brought freedom, but I sometimes just cannot accept reality.
James: Freedom means that you accept reality.
Vic: I talk myself through the fact that I am the self and all the three bodies arise in me, yet it seems I seek an experience of release. In truth, I want the shit-reality not to be the shit-reality. Then of course my car breaks down and the bills are coming from all sides, and I thought I would get to India with Candice and kids to see Ramji, but we can’t afford it.
My diagnosis is a good dose of karma yoga, so I have just downloaded your Gita talks for listening in the car. I can get into the “poor me” quite easily, but at the moment I am emotionally tired and tamasic. I welcome Ramji’s comments on any of this.
Ramji: Good call, Vic. Karma yoga is what Doctor Ram orders. Isvara is in charge of reality. I don’t think Vic is the one to decide what it should be. Look on the bright side. There is a good reason to be happy. See if you can find it. Why take all this worldly stuff seriously? Just do your duty dispassionately as a worship of Isvara.
Vic: Another question. All that is known in the phenomenal world is known through and by the senses, and all of this information is relayed to the brain and becomes conscious in the mind. So is all that is known an appearance in the mind? If this is so, then is there a physical world, is there matter? Or is all and everything known by the self in the space that is called the mind?
Ramji: The physical world is there if you think you are the body. But if you think about it, you will see that the body is just another object of perception. The world is only in the mind and the mind is in you, awareness. So the world is just awareness appearing as if it was out there.
~ Much love, Ramji