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I Am the Light
Graham: Hey, James. I enjoyed sharing lunch and the perfect weather with you yesterday.
When you first got in the car, you asked, “Are you still enlightened?” I sidestepped the question by asking a question and telling you a story. First, I told you about feeling so overwhelmed after reading your Bhagavad Gita that I pulled back from the experience, afraid that I would become unaware. You reminded me that I could just go with the experience, and timeless, actionless, limitless, non-dual awareness, which is always there, would of course still be there.
I then told you about realizing on Wednesday that the awareness that I am is the same awareness that is illuminating everything in apparent reality. You reminded me that everything in apparent reality is ME.
I feel shy about using the word “enlightenment” even though I am firm in the knowledge that I am limitless, actionless, non-dual, ordinary awareness, and my confidence is growing day by day. Today I got up, worked on the computer for a while, and went back to my bed to read from How to Attain Enlightenment. I propped myself up with pillows, put the book on a pillow in my lap, raised my hands to prayer position as an invocation and closed my eyes.
I immediately felt the same overwhelming feelings and sensations I had experienced when reading the Bhagavad Gita. I surrendered to the sensations, and went into an hour-long samadhi. I felt perfect joy and bliss and was motionless for the entire time, except for lowering my hands after a while. I was the awareness that noticed this experience, and my intellect, which was still present marveled at how even when the neighbor’s dog whined and whimpered, which in the past had caused me great irritation, the dog noise intensified the pleasurable sensations.
I just now closed my eyes for a moment and felt the same bliss. I also know I’m the awareness and knower of this experience. If knowing that “I am awareness” is enlightenment, so be it. I’ll settle for being limitless, complete and perfect, actionless, non-dual, ordinary awareness and go back to work.
Thanks for leading this horse to nectar…
James: Hi, Graham. My “are you enlightened?” question was a bit of a joke. The best answer is, “I can’t say I am, but I can’t say I’m not.” If everything is consciousness – me – and consciousness is the “light,” then everything is enlightened by default. Not everyone knows it though. It seems you do, which is very cool! Thanks for sharing your experiences. I love them. I felt a twinge of envy insofar as I never have mystic experiences anymore. Indeed it was great lunching and sitting in the park with you. I hope our paths will cross again in the foreseeable future. Take care of yourself and all the best.