Search & Read
In Love with a Guru
Mark: Dear James, as you know, I fell in love with my spiritual teacher. She initiated an affair with me, but said that every time we had a conflict there was nobody there to have a conflict and just ignored the issues. It was very painful. When I became insistent that we work out our problems she dropped me. It was very painful. Much of what she said about life was true. I am totally confused and in pain. What should I do?
James: Hi, Mark. You should not do anything. You should understand something.
This is a dharma problem. People often use the idea, “I am the self,” to deny their personal self and carry on as they see fit. Many of these Neo-types fit into this category. Next to dharma, enlightenment is the most important thing in the world. So it is your responsibility to see that the people you get involved with follow dharma. If you blindly trust them you deserve the suffering that comes. But the suffering is good if it wakes you up, which seems to have happened to you.
Another problem is that you could not seem to separate the teacher from the teaching. Be suspicious of the teacher, but think about the teaching using your own common sense. If you have been taught Vedanta, which is an impersonal, comprehensive means of self-knowledge, you can easily discriminate. All teachers have feet of clay. Trusting them is foolish. Trust the scripture. And when you have a doubt about someone’s teaching check the scripture.
It is a matter of discrimination, as your first guru says. She is a true guru. You can trust her because she follows dharma and is transparent. But you will not get moksa from her, because she is not a teacher. She is a shaktipat guru. She gets you on the path and hopefully gets you purified so that Isvara can send you a proper teaching and a qualified teacher.
If you had patterned your life on her life you would not have wasted your time in the morally relativistic world of the Neos and run afoul of dharma. You would have said no from the outset. But you had unresolved love issues, so you violated dharma. You can have your love affairs and pursue the truth, although it is adding a big weight to your sadhana unless you do the relationship as karma yoga, but it is best to be single-pointed and go only for liberation.
I suggest you read my book How to Attain Enlightenment. You will see a proper teaching. You will not be seduced by inferior teaching. But you cannot really blame the teaching because it is no teaching, just statements made by individuals of their beliefs or their experience. It has a certain value at a certain time in your seeking, but without discrimination you can easily get confused by Neo Advaita.
Also, read the website ShiningWorld.com, particularly the e-satsangs. If you are going to develop discrimination Vedanta is for you. You can write once you have read my book and the e-satsangs at the website, and either I or my wife Sundari will reply.
~ Love, James