Martin: Dear James, again I am writing to you as a meditation.

I am writing to you as my guru.

As I mentioned in my last email, there are very few to none in my neighborhood that I can write to.

The karma and the vasanas of my person and my body slowly play themselves out and dissolve.

Knowing who I am is not the end but a start of a journey of cleaning up vasanas. This time there is nothing to be done but to stand as awareness.

Yesterday I was running a very high fever (some type of pneumonia, probably). My mind was slightly agitated and I used the opportunity to meditate upon this.

Rajas was strong. The fever energy was there to work against the bacteria. Tamas was strong to induce the need to sleep and to rest while being sick. It also conserved the energy to concentrate on the fight against the bacteria. With both rajas and tamas being strong, sattva was definitely in minority, it seemed. Enough to explain ignorance being supported.

I had always assumed before in my life that a slightly agitated mind is normal when the body is sick. This time I asked myself: “Why is my mind agitated? Is there any real need?” I delved deeper into the agitation and found a freckle of fear at the source. A fear that the body would not heal, a fear that the body should die. Immediately, the knowledge “I am awareness, ananta, I am not this body” dissolved the agitation and the root cause of fear. It seems it is gone for good.

Left is awareness with a peaceful mind and a very sick (gross) body.

If you ever want to correct any of these musings and writings because you see a contradiction with Vedanta, I would be very happy for this.

~ Your grateful self, Martin

James: Hi, Martin. Nothing to correct. It is a beautiful email. I will post it on the Web with the next upload. It shows how inquiry – knowledge – burns vasanas. I hope the body survives. ☺

~ Love, James