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Knowledge Equals Love
Stewart: Hi, James. A couple of days ago I sent an answer to an email of yours. In it was included a request to have a look at a couple of things that were causing me some confusion. I’d like to spare you the hassle of trying to get your head round it as I think that the confusion is pretty much gone now… I’m hoping I can head you off at the pass here. If I may re-cap, I said…
“All’s well at my end… another boring day in paradise. Sigh…”
James: It’s good to see that the doer is enjoying transcendental boredom. Rajasic doers often get disturbed when they realize that from here on out there are no ups and downs, just endless bliss.
Stewart: “…the doer is certainly enjoying, all right! Endless bliss is definitely okay with me and any ups and downs are not real. No side-to-side either. Everything’s running on rails. There is one thing though: I have the strong feeling that Isvara is cooking something up. I’m slowly being reeled in for some cause that I cannot fathom as yet. I know there’s no point in struggling… the thought of struggling makes me laugh, really. I can’t quite relate to searching and the whole moksa story anymore either. There were times when I thought I had “forgotten” the knowledge but that made me laugh too. I don’t see myself learning to be some great Vedanta teacher either as I see all communication as Vedanta. The more skilful the better. It seems that if you have the knowledge of who you are you’re going to teach in all you say. The only problem is being an effective teacher and not sowing confusion. So purification of mind through knowledge seems the order of the day… no problem. The mind wants to do something of real use anyway.
“If I talk to you or Sundari the ‘dynamo hum’ background noise gets turned up a notch and I know I’m talking to the self. The bliss gets cranked up too. No complaints of course. Perhaps I’m just still new to the fact that everything and everyone is me for 100% sure. Whatever, that blissful feeling of Isvara working through me remains and I’m not the master of the plan. Maybe I just need to relax and get used to the freedom? Can you make some sense out of this, James? I’d appreciate a few of your wise words here…”
It wasn’t with a clear understanding when I said I felt that Isvara was cooking something up and that I was being reeled in for some unknown cause. It was rather that something was being clarified that I couldn’t put my finger on… the “mind” wasn’t getting it. Nothing new there! When you emailed me not so long ago… concluding with saying that you were the “Bill Gates of love”… that whole short email was actually quite a surprise to me as I wasn’t expecting you to write. It was almost a bit of a shock. Very direct, clean and straight to the heart. I couldn’t tell why.
I’ve really loved talking to Sundari, whom you know I regard as sweetness and love personified, and am comfortable with that. I feel the love, which is the same love for all of us. It seems that when the love of two beings meets the resulting feeling is a love that is greater than the two individual parts. I have had precious little of this type of meeting in love where both sides know who they are, just one other person and my dear sister, who is saintly compared to me, but just not quite totally free.
The reason I felt something akin to shock when you wrote was because I immediately felt this same love. It shouldn’t have been a surprise at all, really. It’s a love that contains joy, playfulness and sheer freedom… kind of a crazy love by worldly standards! I know that this love is me but I was still stuck with a love for Ramji who had helped to finally set me free. My gratitude was and is boundless, which is why I wanted to be of any help that I could and share the love. There was a bit of a shock as I awakened to the fact that there is no Ramji… just Loveji! In fact there is nothing else. Ramji is meji is Sundariji is everybodyji and everythingji. Thank you so much, James, you have even set me free from Ramji… ha, ha.
If it’s a crazy love then count me in as one of the crazies… I love it. I give up. I would cry with joy if I could be bothered. I won’t because I’d only end up laughing. I am reeled in because I always was.
The newsletter about the teaching was also a little bit of a shock. It feels that the logical outcome of moksa is to teach moksa, and that means Vedanta. I can’t say it’s something I wanted to do as all beings are already free and it’s all down to Isvara. If I did go down that route I would have to feel that I could speak with a voice that is my own and that doesn’t deviate from the pure logic of the teaching. It feels like it would involve some “work,” and I’m a bit of a lazy bugger. I recall you saying once that you thought that your guru was a little “envious” at one point when after your moksa that you weren’t turned into a 24/7 institution as he was. I had to laugh when Sundari called you an institution not long ago, and now she’s becoming institutionalized too… ha, ha… I guess I’ll really have to see if that one reels me in.
Sincere thanks to you, James. Thanks for being you.
~ Heaps of love, Stewart
James: Sorry, Stewart, but I have had a nasty cold since I got here, and we are going to buy these houses, so I haven’t had time to reply properly to your great email. Here is what I have to say.
Stewart: “Can you make some sense out of this James? I’d appreciate a few of your wise words here.”
James: It’s a bit confusing but I will try to make sense of it. The first thing that doesn’t make sense is your statement that you are being reeled in for some cause by Isvara. On the level of Isvara there is always something new coming up but the point is that what it is we can never know, what is going to happen, so we just leave it to Isvara to do Its bit and “reel” us in, and when we get reeled in we take it as prasad.
Maybe you are wondering if you are “supposed to be” a teacher. The answer is, what does “teaching” mean to you? You answer that question yourself when you say “you teach in all that you say,” meaning that you and your life is the teaching. No need to be a Vedanta computer like me.
Whether you are thinking or teaching or not the mind will purify naturally if the knowledge is firm, which it seems to be because you say that it is laughable that you can forget the knowledge. If you know that “the knowledge” means you – awareness – then knowledge has nothing to do with it. It sets you free, and once you are free it goes away.
The “dynamo hum” statement is a bit strange because you are always speaking to the self if you know who you are. But you have bhakti for us, so when we communicate there is an extra buzz.
But basically, the wonderful last part of the letter about love shows that you have assimilated the knowledge, because the knowledge works out experientially as love. And yes, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I left you attached to Ramji. Ramji is just a name for the love you feel.
So you are good to go, Stewart. At the same time feel free to write to me anytime. I will have more time now to reply as the big India teaching is over and the house-hunting is settled.
~ Much love, James
Stewart: Hi, James. Many thanks for your considered reply and kind words. I know that you always have enough on your plate, and that cold would have been a bundle of joy you could do without.
All seems clear and still now, and all your words made sense to me. The teaching thing will pan out in the fullness of time, and I don’t discount any option. As you said, it’s not for everybody to be a Vedanta computer like you… even if it is a Bill Gates Love Machine model. ☺
I did kind of wonder why I should still be getting what I called a background “dynamo hum” when I feel bhakti. It is something that came and stayed when I was dealing with a big kundalini episode culminating with realizing that I am not the doer. The hum is always in the background… no problem… and becomes noticeable when bliss or bhakti is pronounced. I thought maybe all of that stuff should have disappeared with the rest. Can’t say I’m bothered one way or the other anymore.
Thanks for disconnecting the umbilical cord to Ramji so nice and gently, like a feather landing on a cloud. It was nearly too subtle for me but, hey, the self never blinks. Nice to get the “good to go” nod, James. I never spoke to you along the way and it was nice to get at least one question in! I’ll treasure it as a souvenir. You do a great job… the best.
I’ll take your offer to let me write to you, with pleasure, James… thank you. You can let me out to play now. Job done.
Your “darling” wife Sundari wrote to me earlier, and I’ll reply to her later. So glad you guys have got a home to settle down in. Now, helping you find it was definitely something I was reeled in to doing, one of the most rewarding things I have ever done!
Big, big hug to you, James.