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Lending My Chakra Gears to God
Seeker: Namaste, Ramji! Thank you for your elucidating answers to my questions. I feel so appreciative that you took your time and answered each and every question. I feel encouraged and have a firm resolution for freedom and self-knowledge. There is much hidden dark stuff that’s coming up and is exposed in the light of awareness right now, and things are getting reconciled and healed without me doing much about it, except just showing up and not standing in the way of my “self.”
I loved the analogy you told about putting God, Krishna, at the steering reins and letting the seeker be the passenger. I am noticing chaotic mind-stuff in front of a background of cosmic order beauty and truth. It does not take away the pain, but it gives me the chance to breathe in between the thoughts and feelings and enables me to act more wisely in accordance with dharma rather than on a personal level. It’s like lending all my chakra gears on this body-mind vehicle back to God and letting Him drive (or maybe He has been driving it all along, like the footsteps in the sand.) Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya.
But there can’t be any calculating, half-letting-go and this sometimes leaves me hanging in limbo between the samsara life and the urgent desire for total freedom. Just like there was some hope lingering from the vasanas of relationships, and safety and samsaric nostalgia. Maybe true dispassion will become effortless when I recollect all the mental agitation that the passion brought up in the first place, thinking of Lord Nataraj’s undisturbed peaceful face in the midst of his samsaric dance of joys and sorrows.
If these passionate, ecstatic, wonderful relationships had the potential to set me free and make me permanently happy I would have been the happiest guy on earth right know. I still feel that loving relationships have the potential to mirror my most unconditional love, and that the problem starts when it’s not so unconditional anymore and the inner demons get reflected in the object of love and desire.
Hopefully, a sattvic mind and heart will attract other sattvic people and that it could put and end to dramatic, passionate, rajasic and tamasic relationships or when the insight that the love-object can’t fulfill my emptiness or make me love myself more then perhaps I can rise instead of fall in love and just enjoy God’s lila, taking the results as prasad. Thank you for reminding me about patience, which I often forget as the basic ingredient for a calm and steady mind.
Thank you for guiding me from darkness to light. May you have peace, love and happiness.