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Our Merciful Lord
Jordan: Dear Ram, in one of our Skype conversations I was reflecting on the fact that since coming to Vedanta, the quantity and intensity of rajasic vasanas “appearing” in me – they had always been trying to express but were always suppressed – had increased exponentially. “Makes perfect sense,” you responded. I didn’t get it at the time. Now I do.
The tears and tremors of release that started when I heard the teachings have continued. Deep, old, sludgie, oozie, gooey vasanas are releasing along with commensurate emotions. There is no need to go into the details. It is quite exhausting. And without the hard and fast knowledge of Vedanta, it is not an exaggeration to say that I probably would have checked myself into the loony bin. It’s quite amazing to see how knowing that “you” are not any of that shit, and that it is just appearing in “you” is actually the foundation that allows and supports the release. Without the knowledge that its not “you,” the jiva would not be able to tolerate such extraordinary pain. Actually, it’s been more like projectile vasana-vomiting. Without Vedanta, it would be too scary for the ego, and the suppression would continue.
I am so blessed to have found you as a teacher and to be alone in beautiful nature while the knowledge you so graciously share just goes about its business appearing in me in this way.
And yes, it “makes perfect sense” as you said. So all you rajasic, SOB vasanas, fructify away! You don’t impact me one iota.
So, James, I may not understand you fully in the moment, but listening happens and when Isvara requires that piece of the puzzle for the unfoldment of the [dharma] field, understanding appears in me. It is so simple and so powerful.
~ With gratitude and love, Jordan
Ram: Dear Jordan, this is a great letter even though Jordan is suffering. It is great because Isvara in It’s infinite mercy led you to the understanding that makes it possible to weather this storm. As Krishna says, “There is no purifier like self knowledge.” The cross you have been carrying for so long is now being lifted by the knowledge. It will be painful for Jordan but rest assured he will come through it with flying colors. I’m not sure what you mean when you say that you may not understand me fully in the moment but it doesn’t matter. This letter shows that you understand all you really need to understand and that whatever else there is to know will be supplied in an appropriate and timely fashion by our merciful Lord.
~ Om and prem, Ram