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Mike: Hello, Ram. I feel I want to check in again. More changes and softening have happened and continue to happen. I do still get bothered by things but the bother goes by very fast or is much smaller than expected.
I listen to a lot of discourses (hours and hours) still, by a few different swamis. I like riding on the voice. It feels like my mind is being displaced or maybe supported, like floating on a raft in a stream.
The repetition is working, doing its work. The “self” (ahamkara/subtle body) really isn’t me… that is really amazing… that sinks in with some frequency now…
…what is left? It’s a little dizzying almost, to use an experience word.
I have discovered exploring, kind of like exploring a small sore in my mouth with my tongue… satyam/mithya… take away husband, job-person, making breakfast the way I like every day, collecting more gigabytes of Vedanta discourses (and sorting them!), wondering about working out, or being a new boss at work or looking at Google News too much…
…all of that is disposable, or better to say, inessential. Is it really all separable from me? That’s almost unbelievable but there it is.
It’s just like all those discourses keep saying… whodathunkit?
The vasanas certainly come still, and I can’t say I am beyond concern for the discomfort they still can cause me.
I do take this all seriously in a new kind of serious way but not heavy-serious… important-serious is a better phrase. This really is where happiness is, real happiness, purnam. It’s like I am dumbfounded.
I am very fortunate.
Of course this feeling, this “sattvic wow,” comes and goes. It has been helpful to see that.
Love and thank you.
Ram: Lovely to hear from you, Mike. It is gratifying to see the knowledge doing the work. I am happy for you.
~ Much love, Ram