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Saying No to God Is God’s Will
Constance: Dear James! First I want to thank you for your teaching in Berlin! It was so crystal-clear and helpful!
Now I have a dilemma and I wonder if you have time to give me some guidance? Six years ago I started to pray and was deeply touched, crying, and it was like the ice melted. I prayed to God to open my heart and I surrendered to God. It felt like a love affair. I knew that everything comes and goes but God is always there.
Then for three years I came in contact with Advaita, Ramana, Mooji and with your teachings through Hans and your DVDs, and this summer I read the amazing book I Am That by Sri Nisargadatta. And I felt the absolute truth in the teaching.
For a while I was disturbed because I had surrendered to God and now Advaita taught that beyond God was the self. In my dualistic mind it was a paradox and I didn’t know the solution. But I realised that I need to be there to be aware of the connection with God. I haven’t grasped in my experience that I am God.
James: “I am God” just means the hard and fast understanding that “I am awareness, full and complete, lacking nothing.” It is not an experience.
Constance: And I realised that awareness is the background of everything, and God lives in me as everything that changes. It is a dance of the form in the formless.
James: Yes, indeed. This is the truth.
Constance: As I read this I can see that I have to be God, otherwise God could not appear in me, in awareness.
James: This is close, but not quite correct. God is you, but you are free of God. God is just what moves and changes and appears in you, awareness.
It depends on you, but you do not depend on it.
Constance: But I still have a problem with the doer. Since my surrender six years ago I found it meaningful to give up my actions to God. You call it karma yoga. Now my life has changed. I moved out to a country house. I love the nature and the silence. I only want to do and be in the simple things. But when I got here a big business offered me an important, well-paying job. I fear it. I am so happy in the not-doing, just being, but this offer created a conflict. What is my dharma? Do I stay here and do what I want or do I see this offer as God’s will and go back to the city and a job I don’t want? What is my dharma, my karma? I feel like Arjuna who did not want to fight his cousins. If the job is God’s will, should I overcome my resistance? Or am I allowed to live this simple country life and sink deeper into being nothing?
I hope you have time to guide me in this dilemma! Thank you again for everything.
James: It is fine to resist this job. Why is not the desire to live in the country God’s will? Everything is God’s will. Use your discrimination. If you don’t need the money, stay in the country. God is happy with you whatever you do. It will find someone else to do the job and that will be God’s will. Saying no to God is also God’s will.
Constance: Thank you for your response! I liked your words and they made them me laugh. I felt such good energy receiving your mail. It is simple and at the same time my mind created a big dilemma. I guess I have reached the point of trusting that I can drop everything. I am so very very tired of the personality, the ego, the matrix – and like Sri Nisargaddatta says, it’s worth it to give up fear and desire.
~ All the best and love, Constance
PS: I hope I will meet you in Tiruvannamalai.