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Self-Inquiry Is Working
Mandy: Dear Ram, greetings to you and your beautiful wife.
Inquiry is intensifying. Self-knowledge is not fast and hard yet, but ignorance is not fast and hard either, which makes a huge difference: atma/anatma viveka (discrimination between the self and the “not-self”) is much easier and dispassion is natural. Sometimes the mind gets agitated for “not getting” moksa, but it is understandable because desire to be free is so strong. Taking the karma yoga view toward moksa seems to be most difficult these days. Prayer and 24/7 inquiry helps to calm it. Sometimes I pray and other times I see the body praying.
The world is losing its “realness” – sometimes it is clearly seen as a thought in Isvara’s mind. As the knower of that thought I do not have anything to do with it and there is a space between me and that thought. Other times it is seen as all Bhagavan shining; in these moments of clear realization there is nothing to talk about, all is very simple, even the moksa story seems to be a joke, everything is very ordinary, as it always is. The “I” – the subject – is not changed at all, only maya loses its “realness.”
Sometimes “Mandy” is seen as a cartoon seemingly dancing in my light, completely unaware of its own existence. But then (due to some obstacle, I guess) identification with Mandy is back as well as her pursuit of liberation. That’s okay because as Mandy I am well-equipped with the Vedanta sword of discrimination, and the mind is being cleaned. ☺ I understand that this is a process.
Anyway, I have been reading Swami Dayananda satsangs and I have studied audio files of Swamini Atmaprakashananda, and they bring so much clarity – I still cannot believe how logical this knowledge is. You are right, there is nothing spiritual about it at all, inquiry is just thinking in a very logical manner. Everything is just knowledge, how amazing is that!
I can see now why Isvara is just pure intelligence (sattva), and how objectivity, seeing things as they are, is freedom. Rajas and tamas create subjectivity, so losing them is losing subjectivity, not taking things personally.
It would be great to see you this year for longer contemplation, so maybe Switzerland, Doro, is a good idea…
Hopefully I will see you in September, yeah! Thank you so much for everything.
James: Come to Doro. Got to book early – write Matthias – as it will fill up quickly and there are limited spaces. Nothing to say about this email except good for you, Mandy. Self-inquiry is definitely working. Keep at it!
~ Much love, Ramji