Stephen: Hi, Ram. I have another question that has more to do with the phenomenal world.

I am 37 and work as a pharmacist, things that could give off a message of financial security and maturity to potential relationship-seeking partners. I, however, have noticed that since I started on a spiritual path it has become more and more difficult to encounter special female partners with whom I could spend some time on the journey of life. Strangers do look and smile at my physical appearance, so I know my body doesn’t look like that of Elephant Man. My question is: I do feel that when I am about to be introduced to or conclude with a potentially suitable partner it is as if the universal energy (God?) would stop the event from happening; is that something you have been asked about before, Ram?

~ Love, Stephen

Ram: Hi, Stephen. Yes, I have been asked about it many times. And the answer is yes, the “universal energy” will do it. It is trying to tell you something. The problem is that you have conflicting priorities. On the one hand, you want freedom, and on the other hand, you want pleasure. Now that you have security you want pleasure. And it seems your desire for freedom is stronger than your desire for pleasure, so that part of you that wants freedom prevents the part of you that wants pleasure from getting what it wants. You don’t want a woman to be free, unless it is freedom from loneliness or freedom from the craving for pleasure, i.e. sex and intimacy. This path leads to attachment. It does not seem that way when you are looking for a relationship, however. In your mind there is a fantasy of wondrous enjoyment. There is wondrous enjoyment, to be sure, but you pay for it with attachment. You don’t think about the downside when you are seeking the relationship. Evidently your desire for freedom is stronger than your desire for pleasure.

Your mind will now want to figure out a way to have both. You can have both, but the conflict will remain. If you overcome the “universal energy” and go for it, the relationship will only work if you practice the karma yoga attitude, i.e. you surrender the results of your actions to the universal energy and take it easy. This means that you understand that people follow their natures no matter what. If you get that, then the conflicts that inevitably arise in relationships will not sink the relationship, and attachment is neutralized to a large degree. But it will not be easy for you if the woman is basically interested in your money and your hot body.

~ Love, Ram