Maria: And I have one other thing to ask you or rather to formulate aloud so that you could tell me if I understand it correctly.
I am still dealing with the relationship/sex vasana. It is “the fetus in the womb” one for me. So I keep in my mind all the satsangs we’ve had and all the others I’ve read on the site. This “the fetus in the womb” description is so true; I am working it out in due time, observing the shape of the vasana (previously, I thought there is no line between me and the vasana) and the mechanism that sits behind it, only to let it go when I can. I tried all the techniques you’ve said, but Isvara decided to teach me mostly by my “womaning up.”
Sundari: You have the right attitude, Maria, there is no way to force this samskara out of the unconscious, the “womb,” before it is “ripe,” so to speak. Until then, see it as your teacher, and sin as intelligently as possible, if necessary. There is no “line between you and the vasana” as the Self, because the Self does not have vasanas.
All vasanas are mithya and “belong” to Isvara, the causal body, the collective unconscious. “Your” vasanas are part of the prarabdha karma for this jiva incarnation, and there is nothing the jiva/ego can do to remove them. “Fruition” will come when Self-knowledge removes the ignorance that keeps them in place.
I think I have sent you this teaching regarding samskaras before, but in case I have not, here it is again:
Observing the mind and how the vasanas play out in the light of Self-knowledge is the main step towards rendering the vasanas non-binding. What this entails is to track the mind and see what the trigger was for the disturbance, whatever it is, what guna was in play and what value underpinned the guna. Ignorance works the same way every time, so it should not be difficult to track. Sometimes though, when it comes to deeply entrenched samskaras like the love/need relationship, it can take repeated observation and determination to render them non-binding because they are so hidden but all-pervasive. There is not a single thing in our lives that deep samskaras do not affect – like bacteria, they creep in everywhere, causing inflammation and dis-ease in the psyche – and in the body, which is an extension of the mind.
Thus samskaras will take time to go away. They will fade more quickly when they are fully understood. Applying the opposite thought works because it objectifies the anxiety/need, if one can remember to think the opposite thought when in the grip of this desire. Karma yoga works when worry is there; it is perfectly designed to destroy samskaras. However, the nature of desire, rajas, is such that the tamas(denial, blindness) that accompanies it causes one to feel that one does not have “time” to deconstruct the desire/fear on the spot! The doer forgets that it is now an inquirer and that it is supposed to free the mind of the like/dislike through Self-knowledge, not to get the object in the world. It thinks that the results of the action will free the mind, which they will temporarily, leaving the samskara carefully concealed and intact, however. The doer acts to correct the situation instead of turning around and correcting the thinking behind it.
To ameliorate the effect of a samskara, it is very effective to dismiss the present thought by taking the line of reasoning it represents to its logical conclusion, thus defusing the power of the samskara in the moment. The key to most samskaras is the word “time.” Time represents the pressure of the samskara. When it is operating, the thought/word “time” is meant to refer to something real, something substantial. But all it refers to is “I want.” We know what is behind that: “I am insecure, I am afraid, I am incomplete,” etc.
Samskaras are never about what they purport to be about. An unnamed fear lurks behind them all. No matter what you do or don’t do, it is there attaching itself to an action. One needs to be sick and tired of the mind it creates. Yes, one can walk away from various situations relatively easily, but walking away from the belief that worldly results like a relationship are necessary for peace of mind is the real renunciation because it amounts to renunciation of the doer itself.
Prarabdha karma plays out the way it plays out, and Isvara gives us the karma we need to see what we need to resolve when it is time to heal. The psyche has a drive for wholeness because it knows it is the Self and suffering is not natural. But the effects of ignorance have been there for a long “time” and mostly do not dissolve overnight. Karma yoga and jnana yoga are the only solution. The final stage of self-inquiry, nididhyasana, often takes the longest. The essence of nididhyasana is resolving all our conditioning through contemplation, assimilation of the knowledge and transformation of its habitual patterns (vasanas/samskaras/pratibandikas) through Self-knowledge.
Maria: So now, to clear my mind from unhelpful thoughts in the light of the teachings of Vedanta, I know that there is no need of seeking the relationship (nor of avoiding one). I am full and complete being on my own, and serving other people when it is needed, basing on dharma rules. The “woman role” is only a role, I don’t need to stick to that idea (I mean that a complete woman is the one who has a husband and kids), because it is a cultural construct, only a thought. And even if I stay alone (all-one, as you put it) it will be okay, that there is no need to change anything, because it is okay.
Sundari: Excellent.
Maria: Before, my mind was a bit agitated by one thing you’ve written: that if I stand as awareness I’ll be successful also in terms of relationships. And I’ve understood it that it is my fault that I am unsuccessful. As you can imagine, it resulted in suffering of my jiva, that it is doing something wrong and cannot change it. But I realized that there must be something wrong with my thinking, as Vedanta is all about being free of suffering, not to leave one with a helpless feeling. And now my jiva gave up the idea that it is in charge of anything, and I just go with the flow, as one could put it. ☺
I’d be grateful for your comments on my observations.
Much love to you and Ramji!
Sundari: What I meant by the statement “if we stand as awareness, we are successful also in relationships” is that when you know who you are as the Self, all relationships automatically improve because there are no more emotional hooks for yours or the “others’” likes and dislikes to attach themselves. When you know you are the Self and stand firm in the knowledge, everyone is attracted to you because the Self always recognizes itself. It’s not like people fall at your feet or you have a need to be loved/liked. You don’t. Apart from the Self recognizing itself, our personal unconscious reads the unconscious minds of others, whether we are aware of it or not, because it is all one field. So people will not know why they feel good in your presence; they just do.
You no longer get upset when things don’t go your way, because it is just a preference, not a need. Nothing adds to or takes away from you, so fear of loss is gone too. You have zero tolerance for being unhappy, so when an agitating situation arises, it dissolves almost instantly in the knowledge. It cannot hold up in the light of the Self, because you see that it is not real. You accept others’ relative nature as well as your own, but you never get sucked in by either again. This applies to all relationships, not just love/sexual relationships. It also becomes completely unimportant whether you have a love relationship or not, and your identity is never affected by being “successful or unsuccessful” in or out of relationships, because NOTHING validates you. You validate everything. The thought that something outside of you could validate you never enters your head; it is known to be utterly ridiculous.
The thoughts that produced suffering for you arose from the need samskara, the belief that there is something lacking in you that could be remedied by a relationship, which you know is not true. Nothing and nobody can give you what you think you lack, because you don’t lack anything. The only true success possible in life is to realize the Self; there is no other lasting success or remedy for the lonely samsaricsoul.
Maria: Dear Sundari, thank you. Once again, your/Vedanta’s words go right into the main issue!
I will contemplate them for a while now, but I can find in your description the reflection of things that are changing in relations of my jiva with the world. It never stops to amaze me to realize how precisely Vedanta works.
And the great villain – “the time” – I know you’ve addressed this issue previously, but to be honest, there are things I need to hear more than once because they not always stick for the first time. So thank you for repeating them for me, and forgive my jiva for forgetting them. ☺ It is amazing how time is mostly about waiting and not getting what you want right now. I need to contemplate it more. Thank you and stay blessed!
Sundari: You are always welcome, Maria. You have such a great attitude to your sadhana and being taught, take a bow! You are making great progress. As unreal as “time” may be, it does seem to “take time” for the teachings to fully assimilate. That is just the way Maya works, the great trickster that it is! Karma yoga is the sane way forward, always surrendering all results to Isvara. You are on the Vedanta bus, and have no worry, it will do the work of removing ignorance as long as you stick to your sadhana.
~ Many blessings and much love, Sundari
