This satsang follows up the satsang entitled “You Need to Hit Rock Bottom”
Good. Watch the video several times, John. Don’t identify with John. Imagine that John is someone else. Then put yourself in my shoes. Ask yourself if you would like to be dismissed, ignored and insulted by someone you were speaking with in good faith. If you will notice, I took time to listen to you and discover your issue and then I addressed it. That’s my duty. You know very well that it is not the duty of a Vedanta teacher to qualify a student. Vedanta presumes certain qualifications, as you should know if you have been a diligent seeker, which you say you have. But we offer karma yoga as therapy. You need karma yoga and you should have talk therapy too because you are not aware of how you are perceived by others. If you were, you would act appropriately and positively and you would discover that your desires would be met. You became angry because I didn’t want to hear your sad story.
I actually didn’t feel injured because I am the Self. I was surprised because I assumed that you came from a good family and were taught manners. But the rest of the people in the group felt you were wasting their time, which you were. Knowledge assimilates when the mind is peaceful and not otherwise. If in the course of a satsang on a particular teaching specific information about one’s karma is needed, and it often is, then it is helpful to further my understanding of the doubt that is being expressed.
Perhaps you were taught manners when you were a child but probably as you aged you had many intense unfulfilled desires so anger, bitterness and cynicism unconsciously became an integral part of your personality, which further alienated you from yourself and others. Then you started to live in your imagination and a layer of inauthenticity slowly built-up in your personality.
We saw it from the beginning, the lie about the library and the porn link, and others. Once you present a façade you are in hot water because you have to keep the basic lie going. In the case of Vedanta the universal lie is “I am a needy, wanting dissatisfied person.” Maybe you were neglected and/or abused as a child but so what? Everyone was neglected and abused in some way. but life goes on. It has no time for your grievances.
So how can I teach you? It’s not my job as a Vedanta teacher. I do coach a few people here and there but they show genuine respect. Saying you respect me doesn’t cut ice because you demonstrated otherwise. You wanted to win an argument and when I said our conversation was an argument you shouted, “I am not arguing!!!” at the top of your voice. I let it slide because your state of mind contradicted your words.
Try to go back in your mind to a time when you were happy and start there. You can choose happiness. Forget Vedanta. You know enough. As you pointed out, the words are just mechanical; they have lost their meaning. I think the word you wanted was rote. Isvara wants you to take care of another issue. Once you are satisfied with yourself the words in the books and videos will become living, breathing inspirational words. You will understand them and the transformation will begin.
To repeat: Forget Vedanta. Maya is the best teacher for stubborn argumentative people, John. So go out and chase young women and do whatever you want and wait until dispassion develops. Obviously you didn’t even assimilate lesson #1: the joy is not in objects. I learned that lesson in 1968 and never forgot it. It’s also possible at 73.
Anyway, thanks for the donation and all the best.
Love,
James