Dear Cindy,
The fact that you made an issue with Sally made me realize that if you really think of me as your teacher, it’s time to get serious and really listen to what I have to say. You’ve been in denial for a long time. Your friends all know it. I told Sundari many years ago that Jack, God bless him, was not the right guy for you but there was no sense telling you because you want what you want the way you want it. The downside of all your rajas is tamasic stubbornness. You want to just forge ahead no matter what. You are too busy virtual signaling your devotion. You still aren’t listening carefully, although I think Isvara has got your attention now. And I think you are finally waking up because you actually acted on the doubts you had about your relationship when you did your due diligence instead of relying on faith. He’s been gaslighting you for years. It’s not his fault. That’s the way his jiva works. He’s smart and lazy and not above manipulating people, as you now know.
Discrimination trumps unconditional devotion. You should not trust anyone just because you love them, myself included. You should just observe and take notes until you are clear minded about a person’s priorities and values. People will say anything to get your trust. When you couple that with a helping “I know what’s good for you” attitude you are asking for disaster. Jack was a project for you. You were out to fix him, which in itself isn’t real love. Real love is accepting the person as they are. I won’t go into the details because they aren’t important. You will figure it out on your own. Blaming Jack or me is a waste of time. If you want to fight with me, then let’s have a fight on Skype. You can say anything you want. I’m a big boy and I’m super dispassionate. I can fight and talk at the same time. You haven’t hit bottom yet. It’s very important that you hit bottom. That’s why I told you to bring the next candidate for your love to me first. I wouldn’t have said that if I thought you were actually in charge of your emotions. Sadhana is getting control of unwanted thoughts and emotions. You know how to pacify others emotions and you have been pacifying your own by thinking that you are helping people. But self inquiry isn’t about pacifying one’s mind. It’s about eliminating one’s attachment to it. Ramana says that looking into the world or looking into God is not the way to freedom because there is no way to actually determine the nature of something that is away from you. So he says investigate what’s dearest… your own “I-sense,” meaning your emotions, thoughts and ego.
You’re shocked, disappointed, disillusioned and mad as hell at what you discovered, not about James but about yourself. You’ve been living in your own pratibhasika world since forever and now there is a big crack, like the wound in Jesus’s side. The Light is pouring in and it is profoundly unsettling. So you need to take this email seriously. Call it tough love or whatever. Hate me if you need to but print it out, take some time off and read it over and over until it sinks in. As Ramana says, “that ghost-like entity takes to its heels on inquiry.” Here’s the link to last Sunday’s satsang on the pertinent verses of Sat Darshanam. https://zoom.us/recording/detail?meeting_id=kgOmuJ%2BFT8%2BBRavEsPpPGQ%3D%3D
You’ve got the bhakti. Bhakti is an aid, a qualification, for inquiry. It’s time to change course and actually do the work
Ram
